


A Heart's Burden

by Hemosnixuality



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hemosnixuality/pseuds/Hemosnixuality
Summary: The path life gives is not always easy to find nor is it easy to walk, Ellie knows this from experience. She always tries her best to put one foot in front of the other, but sometimes that's just not enough. With Dina's pregnancy revelation, every plan she had made was up in smoke and she found herself feeling lost. Could she truly be happy living a simple life? Would she and Dina be able to make this work? She had never had a family before so was this even something she could do?This story will explore the missing period of Dina's pregnancy through the time that leads up to "The Farm" in the game.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 84





	1. Make me miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and welcome to my first take on the lovely duo that is Dina and Ellie. Whether you've followed me over from AC Odyssey or if this is your first story from me, I am excited to be here. I am not new to ff, but I am new to writing for this pairing so I hope you all come along for the journey I have planned. We will start at Ellie learning the news and work our way from there.
> 
> Comments are always welcomed and I hope you enjoy!

They were safe.

Ellie repeats this little mantra over and over again in her mind as she shoves the metal legs of the chair through the bar handles of the door. The noise echoes a little bit, but she heard nothing else over their own labored breathing. She would have to give this place a proper check before they got too settled, but it was large enough that she could move them if they had to. For now though, this would give them a momentary break. 

Giving the door a final shake for good measure, Ellie turns her attention to more pressing matters. She had been avoiding this conversation for a week or so now, but with what just happened, she couldn't dodge it any longer. It seemed like everything they had gotten into recently had been too close of a call and it was only getting worse. It was getting more difficult to escape unscathed and Ellie was at a loss as to why. Well, not really because she knew _she_ was fine, but Dina was a different story entirely. She was fatigued, slower even, but Ellie couldn't make out anything wrong with her. 

She was just shy of having to carry her from how little Dina could handle and it was rather alarming. There was a chance she could be sick, it was entirely possible, but Dina hadn't complained of a fever or aches. Her nausea was the only thing noticeable, hell, she'd have to be deaf to not hear her dry heaving in the middle of the night. Ellie first thought it was something she may have eaten, but they went days without food and had the same results. Visibly, Dina was as good as expected in the world they lived in so it didn't make sense that she'd now have this sudden shift. They couldn't keep going on like this or it would get them both killed. 

She had to get to the bottom of this.

There was no better time than the present as this theatre was going to be the closest thing to a "safe" space they had for the foreseeable future. For the moment, they had some time which is what was needed. It wouldn't be an easy topic to broach because Dina would likely get defensive, but she cared for her and was concerned. Surely she'd be able to see that and understand. Dina was many things, but stupid wasn't one of them. She had a good head on her and was smart as hell, she wouldn't have just done something stupid and just not told her. Dina was an open book, _too_ open for Ellie's taste, so whatever was going on, it couldn't be that bad.

Dina was resting on the couch looking winded, her breathing still heavy considering they had been resting a minute or two now. She had considered sitting next to Dina for this discussion, but the look on Dina's face tells her something was wrong. Ellie was not like Dina and she _didn't_ have the gift of saying the right thing so being so close and messing up just sounded like a bad idea. She wasn't all that comforting and she would just make it worse somehow, it just wasn't her strong suit. No, she'd stick to standing for now and play it by ear.

"You wanna tell me what's going on with you?" Ellie tries to ask casually, but it comes out more like an accusation.

"What's going on with me?" Dina shoots the accusatory question back at her. "Ellie... I just saw you breathe spores."

Oh, right... _that_. In her concern about Dina, she _may_ have overlooked that small detail.

"I told you. I'm immune."

"Okay, you're immune? Come on."

Dina didn't believe her. She must've thought Ellie was lying about it to make her feel better or to not risk her own life back with the mask. Ellie had tried to tell this story before, right after their first time no less, but Dina thought she was lying and Ellie hadn't wanted to push it. 

Maybe the second time would be the charm.

"I was bitten a long time ago..."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Dina snaps at her, the fuse for her temper seemingly lit.

"I was bitten and nothing happened." Ellie speaks more forcefully to send the message home, her arms shrugging a bit exaggerated as if it would help prove the point.

A silence looms between them and Ellie watches Dina's eyes travel down to her mark, her _bite_ , looking for answers.

"The chemical burn..." 

Dina gets it.

Ellie can see the wheels turning and she knows that Dina believes her now. The story she told her after their first time together at Eugene's secret hideaway was ringing true. That Ellie had not lied to her and, instead, shared a secret that (in the wrong hands) could be deadly. Ellie hadn't felt such exposure in a long time and she's not exactly comfortable with it. She trusted Dina with her secret, but it didn't make her feel any better about it.

Ellie begins to play with her hands nervously as she tries to elaborate on just who knows and what she can expect. 

Ellie begins after a deep breath. "Maria and Tommy..." she pauses just long enough to work up the courage to speak his name, "and Joel are the only ones who know..." 

Another pause settles itself in as Ellie recalls that she's speaking about Joel in the wrong tense...again. "Knew..." 

It still hurt to even think about, but she knew that Joel would have been alright with Dina knowing. She meant a lot to her and he knew that, he would have come around to it. 

"Now you know."

Ellie looks to Dina for some sort of reassurance that she was doing the right thing, but finds nothing of the sort. Dina looks upset and she can't help but wonder if she's messed this all up. She was telling this to Dina to try to make her feel better, but it looked like it was having the opposite effect. Does she think this will hurt her? Infect her?

"I can't..." Ellie hesitates for a moment, "get you infected, if that's what you're worried about."

Dina doesn't even flinch, her face still buried in her hands. That meant it probably wasn't what was bothering her (which was a relief), but now that she's mentioned it, she has to finish because there's still one more crucial piece she's left out.

"I can't make you immune either."

It was both a blessing and a curse because, for one, she's grateful she can't infect those she loves, but it also brings forth the truth that she can't protect them either. She got to exist without the fear of turning while those she loved lived on borrowed time. 

There was only so much fiddling she could do with her hands and Dina was _still_ not speaking. Her hands had moved from her face, but the look she could see was not one she had ever seen on her girlfriend before. It was hard to explain, but if she had to pinpoint, she'd say Dina looked almost lost. There was a vacant look, but it also was brimming with something she didn't quite understand. The more this dragged out, the more worried she became. Every worst case scenario was just running through her mind, but Dina didn't look like she was panicked.

God! She just needed to know already... she needed to make this better.

Taking a couple steps closer, she nudges her foot against Dina's to try to grab her focus. "Can you say something?" 

"Ellie..." Dina speaks with so much sadness that Ellie could feel her heart clench. 

She watched as Dina slowly shook her head before wiping away a tear, cradling her arm against her stomach. Sad, tear stained eyes finally look up to meet her. "I think I'm pregnant."

_No._

_No, no, no, no, no..._

_This couldn't be right._

"What?" Ellie says in disbelief. There was just no way that _that_ is what she just heard.

"Don't worry, it's not yours." Dina responds with a small self deprecating laugh.

This couldn't be happening.

Dina was pregnant?! 

Ellie couldn't stand still after this bombshell of a revelation and began to pace in a small area.

"What are we su--" Ellie let's out the heaviest sigh. She was frustrated, confused, angry, concerned, literally everything you could think of under the sun. How could Dina do this? How could she have let this happen? 

"What are we supposed to do now?"

It was the first question of many that slammed into her as she tried to absorb this news. Everything she had worked _so_ hard for was all in jeopardy. Joel's killer was still out there, still enjoying her life after she stole his. How was she supposed to just forget that? That's the entire reason they were headed to Seattle for fucks sake! And now this?! Like it wasn't bad enough just trying to survive _before_...

"Nothing." Dina answers her calmly, her voice brimming with exhaustion. "I just need to rest for a second."

"Are you fucking kidding me..." Ellie mutters under her breath. Rest would fix all this? It will make this problem magically go away? That time is all it is going to take?

Unfuckinglikely.

Speaking of time...

"How long have you known?"

It was a fair question because pregnancy doesn't just jump out and say "surprise" at the last moment. Dina _has_ to have some idea about it because she's been sick a lot lately. Ellie didn't know much about motherhood and the "stages," but she thinks it's something Dina had to have realized... 

What could it even be? A couple days? Maybe a week?

"I was late a few weeks ago..."

"A few weeks?!" Ellie repeats more for herself than anything to understand that Dina had been keeping something like this from her for so long. "We could've... we could've still turned back."

A few weeks ago they were close to Jackson. Dina could've told her and they could have figured something else out. Hell, Ellie knew she wouldn't have let Dina come so she would've just had to do this on her own. Even if they had just _started_ , she would have turned around to bring her back somewhere safe.

"I didn't know..." Dina defends. "I wasn't sure, okay? I didn't wanna be a burden--"

"Well, you're a burden now, aren't you?" 

The words spewed out before she could think better of it and every letter tasted like malice. There was no denying what she said and there was no way to take it back even if she wanted to. She had meant it, meant every word, and now Dina knew _exactly_ how she felt about this. That said, Ellie knew it wasn't the right thing to do for two reasons. 

Firstly, Dina was an absolute wreck. Her eyes were bloodshot from the tears and her cheeks were stained with the trails they left behind as they blazed their path. Her whole demeanor seemed fragile all of a sudden and her usual charm and confidence was nothing more than a stranger now. Secondly, it wouldn't change the outcome of what needed to happen. Dina would still be pregnant and that would still fuck Ellie over one way or another. They would have to head back to Jackson, _she_ would have to head back, because there was no way in hell she would entrust Dina to make it back on her own. Ellie would have to drop everything she was doing and she wouldn't even have a choice.

Neither of them bothered to speak right away, their emotions getting the better of them. Dina with her revelation and Ellie with her newly acquired burden. All Ellie knew was that she needed to step away from this, from _Dina_ , else she may cross the point of no return.

Backing away slowly, Ellie forgoes the eye contact in favor of staring at the carpet. She can't bear to see what is going to be looking back at her after everything she's said so she keeps her eyes trained to something that can't look back. As furious as she was, the rage had subdued once the initial shock wore off and she felt herself slightly more calm than she was before. It was probably for the best that she doesn't get herself worked up in front of Dina again anyway until she had a better handle on everything.

Continuing her steps back, Ellie makes for her escape. "I'm gonna... make sure this place is secured." Turning herself enough that, after a moment, her back was almost fully to Dina. "You just rest."

With that, Ellie knows better than to turn around and see the damage her words caused. To watch as they sink deeper into Dina and make an already horrible situation worse. For now, she needed to wipe her hands of this and focus on literally _anything_ else. This was a big place so the best thing she could do right now was to go get lost within its stale walls. There was furniture stacked up to provide good cover if they needed it behind her and, ahead to her right, was a set of stairs which was probably the vantage point. If she was going to have any surprises, they'd likely be up there or in the room beyond the large doors near the stairs, probably the auditorium.

She had never had the opportunity to see anything like this in person, but Joel had told her about them in passing. These places either had a projector to beam the movies onto the screen or they were the one's with people prancing about, she never really knew the difference. They both sounded the same so the spelling for one or the other just didn't seem all that important. 

Moving further inward, Ellie approaches the two large doors blocking her answer. Reaching her hands out, she gives the doors a firm pull.

_Locked. Of course it was._

Was it too much to ask to just be given this small reprieve? That she could just go where she wanted without having to jump through hoops? Nope. She was just going to have to work for it (much like everything else in her life) and she couldn't do that just standing around. She had even considered kicking the door in her frustration, but she didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to herself. Plus, it would probably hurt and that would suck. This whole thing would go faster if she asked Dina for help, but there would be no way she was doing that given what just happened. She'd rather get lost and trapped in a closet than ask Dina for any assistance. 

_There has to be a key somewhere here, just have to find it._

To her left, Ellie notices a stand of some kind. It was unlikely this would have what she needs, but she could look for food or anything that may be useful for them. The one thing this place had was food at some point so she could maybe get some expired chocolate to nibble on. 

Going behind the counter, she sees a few papers and an empty bottle or two, but everything else was barren. It was clear by the partial barricade by the door that someone else had been here before and they most likely took anything good. 

Continuing ahead, she finds a bathroom in fairly good condition, well, at least by apocalyptic standards. Toilets were far and few between and the ones she did manage to find had seen far better days. Broken, rusted, and destroyed (in every sense of the word) were the usual, but beggars couldn't be choosers outside Jackson. She tentatively approaches one of the stall and lifts the lid, bracing herself for the rancid stench, but, to her surprise, it actually looked pretty clean.

_Need to tell Dina about this at some point, she's going to need it._

Having had enough of the bathroom, she decides to go and venture upstairs. Before she puts her foot onto the carpeted step, she gives Dina a brief glance to check on her. She couldn't see much of her anymore, meaning Dina had decided to lay down and rest. She needed the rest, they both did, but Dina wasn't just Dina anymore. 

Ellie shakes her head ever so slightly in a "no" motion and works her way up to the next floor. Only once she had climbed beyond the second set of stairs did she trust her words to not be overheard.

"Pregnant."

A beat of silence.

"Fucking pregnant..."

A second pause.

"How could you keep something like that?"

For all her prior hope of not thinking of Dina, it seemed to be the only thing her mind would focus on. It was just so... so... _infuriating_. Ellie had not ever lied to her like that besides her bite, but that was to keep herself _alive_. It wasn't just something small, it was a "life or death" scenario, but literally everything else she was always upfront about. Well, maybe not everything because she never told Dina how she felt about her, but that is different! Her repressing her feelings isn't on the same level as hiding a literal _baby_. What could have possibly prevented Dina from telling her the truth?

Was it that she was afraid that she'd leave her? That she would see her as "damaged goods" and not want to be around her? Maybe it wasn't even herself at all that was the problem...

_Jesse._

Could Dina have kept this because she wanted to tell Jesse first and see how he would react? Was she going to try to get him back? They could be some big happy family, something Ellie could never give her no matter how hard she tried. Not that Dina had wanted this so soon, but who's to say it wasn't something they had talked about? Ellie could do many things, but making a baby wasn't one of them. These intrusive thoughts hit her harder than she expected, stopping her in her tracks near the bar stand. 

_Stop. Stop thinking like this. Focus and find that damn key._

Snapping herself out of it, Ellie moves behind the bar to see if there's anything of use. It was slim there'd be anything given the trove of bottles near her feet, but she was able to score an almost empty bottle of something. Removing the cover, she gives it a whiff.

_Whoa. That's alcohol alright._

Her face scrunches as it hits her, its aroma as unpleasant as ever. She doesn't let herself linger on it and tucks it into her backpack (which she needed to go through at some point). It wasn't something she'd drink, but Dina would... well, would have. It makes a better disinfectant and it needed to be rationed as such. She never understood why so many people drank this clear trash. It was _disgusting_. Why anyone would put themselves through that was beyond her. She'd talked to Joel about it a little, but he wasn't a heavy drinker of this stuff either. He did it "sparingly" (or so he said), but she would catch him with some homemade stuff while he was at home. Dina would drink it more often than Joel, but she always kept in control. She was nothing like the people in some of Joel's stories before the outbreak.

To live in a world free of the clickers, runners, bloaters... it seemed impossible to imagine. 

She's tried to do it a few times, but it seemed far too unbelievable so she's just stopped trying. Picturing a world where you didn't have to look over your shoulder in a place where one wrong move wouldn't automatically kill you, it was a dream she couldn't ever hope to see. There was no end in sight and any cure died the moment Joel took her from the Fireflies. _This_ hell was the only thing she'd ever have to look forward to.

Using one of the shelves to give herself a boost, Ellie stands back up and looks around. There was an open area that overlooked the main entrance, a hallway that leads to something (she didn't know what), and a closed door. The door was probably locked so she'd take a look down the hall and scope out what may be beyond the corner, doubling back once she cleared everything. 

The hallway was dark, but luckily she had a flashlight clipped to her backpack that worked just fine. Clicking it on, she walks forward and turns the corner to the right. In the short distance ahead, there was another barricade in place guarding the lone door from the looks of it. She moved closer to get a better look and saw dust clinging to its surface meaning that nobody alive (or dead) had tried to get in. It was a dead end, but there were other avenues to try.

Ellie backtracks to the corridor and spots a dark green tarp (or something like that) out of the corner of her eye on her right. Walking closer, she could tell this was a makeshift camp and, judging by the size, it wasn't for a large group. Sitting atop a table next to some dirty dishes, Ellie finds a note that looks to be a diary entry. It talks of a group, but they seem to have left once this person got sick. 

Everything appeared to be in order and any mess seemed to be just that of laziness over urgency. She'd seen the mess caused by panic and this wasn't it. There were pots and pans along with emptied soda bottles, but the bed was still in tact and precious survival tools were still left behind. This meant that if she was going to find any food or water, this would be the place. Peering her head deeper into the tent like structure, she finds hidden treasures. 

"Must be that dude's stuff."

A few cans of soda and some candy bars (presumably expired) adorned the back left corner and she was looking forward to it already. She didn't care much for their condition because "food was food" and she was not going to turn down a free meal so they went in her bag for later. The padding of the bedding was quite comfortable, perhaps a good spot for her to camp out to get a bird's eye view while she figured out what they needed to do next. 

Ellie catches herself before her thoughts wander too far into the future, knowing there still could be danger looming around the corner. "That dude was here a while back... Hope no one else is here."

There was only one way to find out and that meant she needed to get that door open and continue searching.

Taking a deep breath, Ellie turns the handle to find it unlocked, her eyebrows raising in pleasant surprise. She for sure thought she'd have to try to kick it down, but it seemed like something was finally going her way. In front of her was a shelf full of boxes and, to her left, some lockers. The boxes seemed like a dead end and not worth the effort now so she moved closer to a better bet to find those keys. Lockers were used heavily for that sort of thing so it made sense to give it a try once she was sure the coast was clear. Two of the lockers were locked and the remaining one only contained a nametag and a vest. 

To her left was yet another closed door and, courtesy of a gust of fresh air ruffling her hair, a look to her right revealed a large glass window that was partially opened with a... cord running through it?

_Now that's odd._

Ellie took note of the bright yellow cord and carefully opened up the window the rest of the way so she could peer out and get a better view. It looked like it went up this ladder, but she wasn't sure if it went all the way to the roof or perhaps just another level above her. Considering it was pouring rain outside, she really didn't want to go out in it until she knew better of what it could be. Her best guess was to a generator to power up a room or two, but she couldn't be too sure. There also was the matter of where the _other_ end lead and that was behind mystery door number two. She hadn't heard any movement or foreign noises since she got here, but she knows better than to let her guard down.

Grabbing the handle, Ellie slowly turns the knob and pushes open the door.

It looked like a communications hub as there was a radio, a computer, and gadgets along with some general supplies. There was bound to be something they could use so she wastes no time in pilfering what goodies were left behind. Most of what was in this room had to be before the outbreak as there were tins of film taking up the majority of the shelves, but the most telling bit of information she found was a handwritten note left on top of the radio.

She had been right to assume this was someone's base, but from the looks of it, there was only one person remaining.

_Must be the same dude as at the tent._

That meant that this person was either still alive and waiting or they had turned and they're lurking about. From the desperate tone, it felt unlikely they would've been healthy enough to move on since they were sick before. It more or less meant she needed to find this man before they found them. It also confirmed for her that this cord had to do with the power and that it went fully up to the roof. He could have a scouting spot up there and was waiting to strike. Either way, she needed to get up there to check so she backed out to go back to the window.

The rain was something she enjoyed if she didn't have to be out in it, but walking around in wet clothes was one of her least favorite things to do. Wet socks specifically was her biggest peeve. Everything else dried over time, but her shoes never cooperated like that so she would pay the price by feeling like she was walking on mud. She needed a better pair of shoes, boots preferably, but those sorts of things just didn't show up anymore. Clothing was scarce and even when they would find something, it never was in her size. She could deal with a shirt that was too big, but her shoes needed to be perfect. Can't outrun those fuckers with clown shoes, that's for damn sure. 

_Stop stalling, just do it._

Ellie (reluctantly) steps out over the ledge and onto the platform with the ladder. The rain felt colder than it had before, but that was probably because the adrenaline wore off and she's had some time to adjust to the warmth of shelter. If anything, the icy cold droplets down her neck encouraged her to climb just that much faster and, soon, she was top side. Forgetting she had a hood until just now, she flips it up to offer herself minor protection from the dampness and she jogs over to the room where the cord disappears.

Taking care to not run into the doorway, she opts to lean against the side and peer around the corner. The room was small, but what interested her more was the body that laid charred beneath the outlet.

"Damn. You get fried?" Guess this explains the fate of the mystery writer, but what a way to go... 

Ellie has accidentally shocked herself a few times on a fence and it was none too pleasant. She couldn't imagine how much electricity had to have coursed through this dudes body to fry him to a crisp. It was an unfortunate end, but maybe it was better than the alternative. Starving to death was slow and painful, but a good jolt like this would stop your heart dead in seconds. It probably wasn't his intention, but it was his fate nonetheless. Beside him though was what she was looking for, a large generator. Ellie squares herself up and places a hand on its exterior to help center herself. The bigger these bastards were, the more effort it took to get them going. Something like this would use gasoline rather fast so the odds were good that even if it started, it wouldn't last.

Taking the generator cord by the handle, she gives it a hard tug.

Once.

_C'mon._

Twice.

_Work._

This was the make or break.

_Please work._

On the third tug, the generator roared to life and the sound of a working motor rang loud and heavy through her ears.

"Got it."

Ellie hears the sound of electricity snapping behind her before she sees it, turning to see the outlet with the power cord sparking.

_Poor bastard must've plugged it in after._

Nothing she could do for him now and there wasn't anything left of him to cause concern for a spark to ignite. He was well beyond meat on his bones as both time and the elements had not been kind. Only thing she could do was step even further around him to avoid any accidental contact and make her way to the communication room. With the power back on, she might be able to pick up a channel with survivors. Abby was still out there and she'd be damned if she left empty handed. Dina could last long enough for her to try because another minute with her alive was a minute too long. With a renewed sense of purpose, Ellie climbs back down the ladder and enters the room once more.

"What's that sound?" Ellie asks the empty question to nobody but herself.

_Oh, duh, the radio._

Seems like the charred man up on the roof left this on before his demise. The sound was pure static, but there were many frequencies left to discover so she goes very slowly to catch anything of substance. Unfortunately, white noise and dead air were all that greeted her on the other end. The radio appeared to be busted and she didn't have the know how to play around with it. Anything electronic was honestly a bit of a struggle. She preferred more simplistic things, something she could actually understand. Wires and transmitters were all well and good, but she'd take car parts over radio parts any day. 

"Ugh." Ellie groans out in frustration as she smacks the side of the device, causing it to slide to the left and reveal a surprise.

"What's this?" Ellie comments as she stares down at a set of keys. _The_ keys from the looks of it. "All right." A little victory with minimal effort, her favorite kind of win.

_Now to test you out._

Ellie abandons her repair "techniques" (as she would end up _really_ breaking it) and heads back down to the main lobby to test the keys. There were several on the ring, but she felt lucky and was confident she'd get the right key on the first try. The satisfying _click_ of the lock told her she was spot on and, with a bit of effort, she pushes open those large wooden doors.

"All right." She mutters to herself at the successful attempt.

Ellie doesn't take more than a few steps in before she's overcome with awe.

"Wow." 

This room was _huge_. It had so many seats to it that it made her wonder how crowded this place used to be. She's watched her share of movies, but only those that survived on tape and they were far and few between to find. Even with the selection she's been able to find over the years, nothing would compare to seeing it in a place like this. Joel had told her stories before of he and Sarah going to places like this for her birthday.

The nostalgic wave washes over her and she cannot help but long for the man she had grown to love and depend on.

"Joel... You'd love watching a movie in this place."

The dusty red chairs fit well with the decor of the rest of what she could see. There were moldy cardboard boxes and cabinets stacked along the emergency exit doors and the floor was covered in debris. There were some large black boxes on the stage, probably leftover from a performance that ended on a sour note. She didn't know quite what they were called, but she knew musicians used them based off the posters she's seen in music shops. 

Hopping on the stage, Ellie spots a flier on one of the large black cases and gives it a glance.

"Rad."

She had always dreamed of going to a concert, but it was never going to happen. They were loud, _too_ loud, and a swarm would be on them in an instant. Even in a place that's insulated, all it would take was the smallest noise escaping to cause chaos, destruction, and death. She could never forgive herself if anything were to happen to them because of her. Her imagination would have to suffice and, right now, it was more intrigued by the giant red curtain that blocked her path.

_Time to open you up._

Grabbing both sides of the fabric, Ellie tugs just far enough for her to pass through and is greeted by disarray, clutter, and broken figures.

"Hmm, spooky." Ellie comments after clocking several disfigured mannequins lining the wall to her left.

She _despised_ creepy shit in general, but knowing that people purposely messed around with this stuff was just something she couldn't get behind. Joel had even told her about a holiday they celebrated, Halloween, where the whole point was to get as scared as possible and to scare others. Jackson had decorated for it before for the kids, but it was never something she could get behind. The fact that people would purposely get themselves scared seemed stupid. If only they knew what was to come, maybe then they'd have thought better than to pretend.

Her attention on them doesn't last long as when she does a sweeping look to her right, she's met with a jewel amongst the rubble.

"No way." She says in disbelief while staring at what was undoubtedly a guitar case. Her pace hastening as she flips up the latches to reveal its contents (if any).

There before her was a _beautiful_ guitar, looking as new as possible. The case had kept it from the worst elements and shielded it from the ruin that surrounded everything else in this room. Needing to feel it, she runs her fingers across the strings before removing it from its nestled home.

This was perfect.

Music allowed her into a limitless realm and that was just what she needed to ground herself. Her skills had improved greatly from whence she started, but she still wasn't as good as Joel. She'd spend hours just plucking away, finding any tune imaginable. Joel had taught her some songs he enjoyed and she had discovered some of her own thanks to some sheet music she'd been able to find. Joel taught her the basics and the rest was up to her.

She wanted to play now, for him.

Making her way off the stage, Ellie takes a seat in the front row of the middle section. She always preferred to play sitting down so it was either here or the stage and this seat was far comfier from the looks of it. After she sat down and got settled, she laid the guitar over her lap to simultaneously blow and wipe off the top layer of dust that it had accrued. Her hands and fingers traveled to their destinations like it was second nature, reliant on pure muscle memory that she had worked hard to instill. A strum of the strings told her ears that she had work to do.

It always amazed her at how different people could play the guitar and what was right for one may not be right for the next. She had always made do with what was at hand, afraid to adjust too much in fears that the strings would snap and ruin it, but now though, she felt she had some wiggle room to tighten it up _just_ a little.

A few tweaks of the tuning keys later, Ellie had herself a primed and ready outlet and, with that, she let's herself go. Her hands move the range of the neck and her eyes close, relying on feel to guide her into position. A small sample is strummed out and, as she gets the rhythm, she feels ready to allow a small burden felt within her soul to escape.

Her lips parting, she indulges in the softest sound of pain.

_If I ever were to lose you,  
I'd surely lose myself._

She hadn't intended to stop, but the sensation she was feeling was too much. It overwhelmed her to the point of exhaustion, all coming to her in a snap. Her mind was lost, adrift aimlessly into the past, facing everything she had lost. Her eyes fell to the floor as she rested her body on the guitar, a deep sadness enveloping every inch of her that it could.

Her mind went back to one of the best days of her life, her birthday, and how Joel surprised her with not only a guitar, but dinosaurs and space too. He had taken her on a hike and gave it to her in the woods, promising it was safe for her to try it out if she wanted to. They spent an hour or better together as she practiced and Joel just sat next to her with patience and wisdom. He never made her feel like she couldn't do it and he _always_ was there to help. She will never forget his lessons, nor will she ever forget what followed.

Joel had to have worked for months to plan the museum surprise and boy was it ever. Her love of dinosaurs and space were not as strong as they used to be, but she had never experienced a greater happiness to this day. Her past journals still chalk full of drawings and "fun facts," no detail too small to be left out. Whether it be climbing to the top of a T-Rex to jump into a shallow pool beneath her or sitting in an _actual_ fucking spaceship, there was no end to the joy she felt as they spent the afternoon there.

What she wouldn't give to have him here, to share in this all together again. He would have been quite happy in a place like this and, with some ingenuity, they probably could've got a projector working in no time. They could've pretended that the world was as it should be and they could encapsulate the moment for just themselves... but reality wouldn't allow them that. Instead, she could only latch onto these memories, never having the opportunity to make any more together again.

It pained her to think of him most of the time because all she could think of was his final moments. They haunted her like a demon, forcing her to relive his death like it was on repeat. The melody of his last breath, the sheer terror that enveloped her... it all felt like the first time. Her pain was nothing and it never would be because she couldn't stop it, she couldn't save him. His death created a void within her heart, but it wasn't empty for long. A seed had been planted in its stead with its roots thriving in the darkness to feed from her pain, parasitic in nature to any shred of happiness left within her. It had many forms, but its name remained the same.

Revenge.

It consumed her to the reluctance to those around her, driving her deeper into a state of madness. Her vision was tunneled to nothing but Joel's killer until tonight, Dina made sure of that. Having thrown her the most unexpected curveball, she hadn't been ready to catch it and it smashed right into her face. Her insatiable need to avenge Joel was now up against the welfare of the woman she adored. 

Dina was resourceful, but not even she could talk her way out of this mess. What would become of her mission to find Abby now that Dina couldn't help her? Better yet, what would this mean for her and Dina as a couple?

She knows Dina cares for her, but she couldn't help but think of everything that she's not. She had nothing on Jesse. He was so charismatic, genuine, and just such a good guy in every way. Then you had Ellie who was just... Ellie. She was not social or sociable, she preferred her own company, and she was awkward in just about every way. She wasn't smooth, she wasn't a leader like him. She just kept her nose down and did what needed to be done. She was an outcast in a sense and she always wondered why anyone even bothered trying to be friends with her.

Dina though... she was something else.

Dina saw through all her safeguards and invited herself into her life without a choice. Next to Joel, Dina was the best thing to happen to her. Would she really be able to just give that up for this pursuit? On the chance she _didn't_ find this woman in the next day or so, could she truly see herself walking away from Dina and the life they were building together? The answer wasn't definitive yet, but the one thing that was clear was that she needed to make this right between them. She needed to apologize for her words and she needed to try to be better for her.

For whatever time they may have left, she wanted it to matter.


	2. I've got a fever, so can you check?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, welcome to another installment of our favorite post-apocalyptic duo!
> 
> This chapter is not very Dina heavy, but don't you worry, we'll get there. I had considered making this part more of a summary, but I think with what I've got in play that it is important for Ellie to have this canon experience. Next chapter will be more of my own little world as it will tackle more of what isn't shown, but to get there, we've gotta go here.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy 😊🧡

A pain in her neck is the first thing she registers, her head stretched fully out to her right shoulder. The lightness of the room filters its way behind her eyelids, causing her to stir enough to wake. She blinks a few time as she adjusts to not only the time of day, but to where she was exactly. A glance around the room confirms she's still in the auditorium which meant she fell asleep here last night. She hadn't planned on sleeping here since that tent looked _leagues_ more comfortable, but she must have dozed hard after her failed attempt to play the guitar. It must've taken more out of her than she realized because it wasn't even five minutes after she put the guitar down that she had to have fallen asleep.

The sound of a static crackle echoes through the room, even going so far as to reach Ellie in the very front row. 

_What in the fuck?_

What on earth could be making that noise? She had turned the radio off (or so she thought), but maybe she hadn't and she just never noticed it until now. She had a bad habit of losing track of her surroundings when her vision became tunneled. Not ideal in an "end of the world" scenario either as it's given her many close calls. Not that she thinks this is one of those moments, but one could never be too cautious.

_Guess that means it's time to get up._

With a healthy push off the armrests, Ellie stands up and allows herself a moment to stretch. Her body could withstand many things, but that _didn't_ mean it wouldn't put up a fight after the fact. She could feel the ache in her neck still and her back felt a bit sore once she got to moving. She knew she was young, but her body felt like a fifty year old sometimes and now was no exception.

_Should've gone to the tent or a couch, would've been much nicer than this._

Speaking of couches, she needed to go check on Dina. It had been almost half a day since she'd bothered to see her and she needed to check in with her. She had cooled off enough and was ready to move on from it (for now at least) so that meant she needed to find Dina so they could talk about it. Conversations were not her strong suit, _especially_ if there was an apology sandwiched in, but she wasn't willing to drag this out right now. They needed to clear the air enough to be amicable and move on because they had much they still needed to do.

Once she was situated and limber, she headed up the aisle towards the main entrance. As she got closer to the two large doors she unlocked to get in here, the static intensified twofold, confirming her suspicion about leaving the radio on.

_Need to turn that off before it gets annoying._

She enters into the main entryway and one look at the couch tells her Dina was not there.

_Where could she be?_

The chair was still firmly wedged in the door so she was still inside, but Ellie wasn't sure where she would've wandered off to. She checked the bathroom (with no luck) and just opts to look around upstairs. There was only so many places she could be and, in her condition, she wouldn't have gone very far anyway. 

Once on the next level, the sound of the static becomes relatively clear and a few bits of a word or two could be heard. The door was slightly ajar and a light illuminated from within it, a good sign Dina was nearby. With a slow nudge of the door, Ellie is greeted with more than she anticipated (in multiple ways).

The first and, perhaps grossest of all, was the cadence of vomiting. Dina had her head in a bucket and was getting well acquainted with it by the sounds of it. The second observation was far more delightful as there appeared to be a map on the floor and it was covered with marker. Finally, the third and final surprise was the disassembled radio adjacent to the map, its electronic guts open and bare for all to see.

All in all, this was quite the spread.

Dina, to her credit, was more electronically inclined than she was and she seemed to have created something out of nothing. Through whatever means, she had gotten this radio running from the sounds of it and had been marking off the map. To what yet she did not know, but she was definitely intrigued.

"Hey." Dina meets her eyes, but they lack their usual shine. "How hot do I look right now?"

_Not even sickness can dampen her vanity it seems._

Truthfully, she looked like shit. Her face looked like she was flustered, her forehead had a sheen of sweat resting upon it, and her skin complexion had seen better days. However, not even with a gun to her temple, would she dare utter a word of this. She hadn't been in this relationship long, but even she knew that a comment like that would be a cardinal sin. She was already on thin ice, any utterance of her thoughts now would be like dropping one of those cartoon anvils on top of her, a straight plummet into the icy waters.

There was smart and there was the truth and, for this, the truth played no part.

"Pretty hot." Ellie answers nonchalantly before crouching down to get a better view of the map, her eyes looking towards the radio. "How'd you fix it?"

"It was a lose connection..." Dina shrugs like it was nothing special. "Antenna."

_She makes it sound so obvious, so easy._

"They found our mess at the school." Dina shares as she gets better adjusted.

"Good."

Fuck those guys, fuck them _all_. Each and every one of them needed to pay for what happened and she wasn't going to lose any sleep over it. She could still hear the wheezing coming from Dina as she was laying flat on her back after they shot out the glass ceiling beneath her. The sound of her gasping for air as the man straddled her, his hands choking the very life from her. The fear and panic she felt coursing through her as she watched helplessly, a repeat of what happened with Joel. It was chance that the glass shattered like it did, leaving her a large enough piece to cut her restraints, but she was grateful for it.

The moment her hands gained freedom, her body took action and reacted like it was second nature. There was no options to weigh, only a man to kill and it mattered not how. Her knife had worked just fine and, with it, she created art. This man who _dared_ to touch Dina was worthy of only one thing and she was bound to make it so. With her knife, she used his body like a canvas, his blood as the paint. A true masterpiece as the blood cascaded like a fountain of old, leaving no part of the canvas untouched from the crimson. Ellie was no artist, but she'd paint every canvas red to protect Dina.

She would get them all, it was only a matter of time.

"This guy..." Dina leans forward to pick up a photo, showing it to her. "Owen. He went AWOL."

Ellie takes the photo of Owen (and, subsequently, Abby) and appraises it. Owen seemed happy in the photo, but he still looked like a douche. Granted, her judgment was biased, but his face was very punchable looking and she couldn't wait to land her fist upside him. 

Well, if he was alive still at least.

"Maybe Tommy got to him."

_One can hope._

"Maybe."

"What about her?" Ellie asks in regards to Abby, her primary target in all of this.

"Nothing yet."

The radio, suddenly brimming with life, interrupts their discussion. An unknown female voice chimes in to dole out orders.

"Unit Romeo, you are requested at site Two. Repeat. You are requested at site Two. Confirm."

"So, the numbers are locations." Dina says as she leans forward to elaborate. "The TV station we were at? That's Six. There's a lot of chatter coming out of Two, so I'm assuming that's their home base..."

Dina clenches her stomach in pain, her breathing labored. She must be feeling nauseous again, even though she's sure there's nothing left in Dina's stomach at this point. Morning sickness had to be one hell of a thing... Ellie felt bad seeing Dina pained and she just wanted to make her feel better. There wasn't much she could honestly do, but she could offer her presence as a comfort. 

Scooting herself over until they were side by side, Ellie takes her hand and rubs small circles on her back. It wasn't much but hopefully it offered her some relief.

"That helps." Dina says to her as she relaxes a bit.

Ellie wasn't sure if it _actually_ did, but she was not going to protest. If Dina said it did, that was enough for her. While this was all well and good, it still wasn't addressing the elephant in the room. The casual conversation was only a distraction from what they really needed to say and the longer they avoided it, the worse it would get. She really should apologize for what happened last night, but there is still a small part of her that knows she wasn't wrong. It may have not been handled the best, but all the emotions were real and that isn't something she'd apologize for. As much as she wants the peace, she was not going to sacrifice her integrity. 

With some finessing, she could probably get around it without actually having to concede.

"Look... last night was... stupid."

It wasn't _quite_ an apology, but it recognized what happened. Hopefully it would be enough to clear the air.

Dina rests a hand on her knee, a positive sign that maybe it wasn't going to be so bad after all. 

"Yeah." Dina offers a small smile.

It was times like this that really highlighted the differences between them and it made Ellie wonder. She couldn't ever understand why Dina chose her out of everyone to be with. She didn't even come close to anything Jesse ever was and she and Dina had almost nothing in common. They had solid banter going, but it was usually because Dina started it and dragged Ellie along. Everything Dina embraced openly was something she hid, everything Dina is was something she wasn't. 

They were oil and water.

There would always be that barrier between them, preventing them from becoming anything greater than they already were. There would always be _something_ they just couldn't get right, but even with everything in her mind telling her that this was a bad idea, she just couldn't keep away. She was magnetized and, no matter how far she tried to go, her heart pulled her back to Dina. It had _always_ been Dina, even when it was Cat. 

She had resigned herself to a life pining over her best friend and the only way she knew how to ignore it was to occupy herself with someone else. She did what she thought was the right thing and hated herself for it. Cat was nice, funny, and a good person, but she wasn't Dina. Cat never made her heartbeat race by just a glance, she never made her light up by just a touch. Cat could _never_ be who she wanted, but she was good enough for the time. Now though, with Dina, it became too much and not enough at the same time.

Everything between them was overwhelming and overpowering, both good and bad, so the highs reached her towards the stars while the lows brought her smack down to the cold ground. They were like one of those odd toys Joel had told her about... yoyo's. They were tethered together by a string and would start off interconnected, but through the motions, they would separate only to return to repeat the cycle. They'd fight to love and love to fight, but she couldn't pull herself away. 

The unknown woman's voice from before chimes back in from the radio, putting a halt to Ellie's thoughts.

"Casualties reported in Fourteen. All available units report. Over."

Dina leans forward to turn up the radio, the both of them listening intently.

Another woman speaks up to answer the call. "This is site Thirteen. Unit Lima nearby. How many Scars you got? Over."

"Negative on Scars. Lone male trespasser. Armed. Over."

"Lone male trespasser?" Dina questions aloud, looking to Ellie.

"Tommy."

It had to be him. It meant that they were on the right track and that he couldn't be too far. It sounded like he had done some damage too, but it also meant he was about to have a swarm of backup on his tail and his odds were dropping. She needed to find out where this place was so she could lend a hand. The thought of a breakthrough was enough to get her excited, bringing her back into a crouch as she scoured the map.

"Where's Fourteen?" Ellie asks in eagerness.

"I'm not one hundred percent sure..."

"Okay, then guess."

"Well..." Dina points to the center of the map. "If this is Seven..." her finger shifts towards the top right, "Twelve's all the way over here." A pensive look takes hold of her features as she works out a location, settling on one city in specific. "I guess it's somewhere in this neighborhood?" 

"Hillcrest. Okay."

Game time. She had a location and a general idea how to get there. She could probably get there in no time at all if she walked fast enough. Maybe the terrain would be kind to her this time, but she had gotten pretty good at finding alternative routes. Anyway, it didn't matter because she was willing to do just about anything at this point to take some of these fuckers down.

"Should we go right now?" Dina asks as she settles back down. "There is a chance we can catch up."

"We have to." Ellie responds, her voice filled to the brim with conviction. "He may not have much time left if we don't and I'll be damned if they get him too."

This was personal.

They had no right to take Joel, but to take Tommy too? It would be far more than she'd be willing to accept, not if there was something she could do about it.

Dina rests her hand back on Ellie's knee, giving it a squeeze. "We will find him, Ellie."

Ellie rests her own hand on Dina's, feeling the warmth of her skin against the chill of her own. It was as good of an answer as she could give because she knew the truth. The truth was that he could be as good as dead any second now and that all she had was an assurance of empty words. Tommy was all she had left to tether her to Joel and she just _couldn't_ lose that. Sitting here and just talking about it wasn't going to do any good, they needed to go. Fast.

"We need to go." Ellie moves Dina's hand from her knee, allowing her to stand up. "Tommy can't hold out forever." 

"You're right." Dina agrees, following Ellie upright. "You go get my bag in the tent while I finish up here. I'll meet you at the door."

Ellie nods before she walks out, heading towards the balcony with the tent supplies. It takes no time to get to, but she can see that Dina had already made some adjustments to it. She must have moved up here during the night because the cushions were rearranged and there was a small bin next to the makeshift pillow. Thankfully, Dina hadn't unpacked much so it didn't take her long at all to get it collected. She heard Dina pass her by soon after and, once she was satisfied with their equipment, she joined her at the door.

Dina accepts the bag and slings it over her shoulders before grabbing the chair barricading the doors. It takes a strong pull, but it comes out without any resistance, however, Dina hadn't fared well and was breathing heavy. She was resting hard on the chair and that was when Ellie knew that she hadn't gotten any better. Dina looked fragile, far too delicate for what was in store for them once they found where he was. 

Not wanting to make it worse, her tone takes on a far softer, more nurturing edge in comparison to the night before.

"Dina?"

Ellie didn't have to say the question for Dina to understand what she meant. It was an unspoken check on her health and condition and Dina knew better than to lie to her about it. 

"Yeah. Not good."

Just as she figured, Dina was still worse for wear and could _definitely_ not go with her.

"Hey." Ellie speaks softly as she places a hand on Dina's shoulder. "I'll go get him. You keep tracking them, okay?"

There was no fight left in Dina, her concession to being left behind was more than welcomed. "Yeah, okay."

Ellie was just going to do this alone and that's the only way it could go. She couldn't risk Dina slowing her down and she _definitely_ couldn't risk something happening to her. It was this moment that reminded her of just _why_ Dina was unable to continue on and it irked her. This damn pregnancy was already such a hindrance and it would only get shittier the further along she got. Sure, the nausea might subside, but soon they're would be a little baby leeching off them and that would be so much worse.

_Keep control. Don't say anything, hold it for just another minute._

A mixed bag of emotions got added to her already heavy cache of supplies and she wanted to just get moving to put this behind her. She would be better when she was outside and alone, her mind would be able to focus on Tommy, _just_ Tommy. Seeing Dina like this just did things to her in all the wrong ways.

Ellie reaches for the door to escape the mental prison she'd locked herself in, but Dina calls out for her to stop.

"Wait." Dina says as she works at removing her favorite bracelet. "Gimme your hand." She gave Ellie no time to process the request before the bracelet was slipped on and tied snugly. "It's for good luck."

"I don't believe in luck."

"I do."

It was a sweet gesture, even if she thought it was an empty one. Luck wasn't real and neither was fate. Call her cynical, but the world was already dark, she didn't need false hope entangled in it too. That didn't mean she didn't realize what this meant to Dina and if her taking this bracelet would make her feel better, there was no harm in playing along. With the bracelet settled, she gives Dina a quick kiss goodbye and begins her trek to Hillcrest.

The walk there was uneventful and she had only run into a few infected, but they were nothing she couldn't handle. The roads had been relatively put together so she didn't have to go lurking about to make a path. Direct was always her preferred method of choice unless there were obstacles. She was always careful and it wasn't like she walked in the middle of an open area, but she would not turn away a path that didn't waste time. She didn't have it to spare and neither did Tommy.

Her map reading skills have developed quite a bit over these past weeks. She usually wasn't the navigator, but she always wanted to be ready for anything and now she was getting to put it to practice. The only downside is that maps are outdated and the markers aren't usually still standing. There might be a street sign, but that was only if she was lucky. Guess that can be added onto the "shit list" of living in a world brimming with infected, poor directions. 

The seconds turn to minutes, the minutes to hours before she spots what has to be a more well off area. The house's pretty much all looked the same, a typical sign of suburbia. Joel had taught her over the years how to spot the differences between the different housing groups. She hadn't known what use it would have at the time, but it is moments like this that made it useful. He had taught her to read a map for more than it appears, a valuable lesson. She learned of major cities across the country and he shared what typically surrounds them. He stressed the importance of paying attention to what was around her for more than the infected and she's grateful for his advice.

Ellie knew she _had_ to be close so she paid special attention to any road signs so she could place herself. About the fourth or fifth sign in, she pauses.

"Okay, Hillcrest. Is this the right place?"

The sign on the post said "Hillcrest," but this could be a bigger place than she imagined. Around her was derelict shops, only a fraction of what they used to be in comparison to their glory days. The grass was overgrown and the insurgence of nature reclaiming its turf was prominent.

The sound of a lone gunshot echoes in the distance, stirring up a murder of crows.

"Definitely the right place."

Contrary to everything she had been taught, it was time to head towards the sound and into the danger it held near.

A second shot ricochets through the air. "That's gotta be Tommy."

No doubt now of what kind of attention it'd grab. Human and infected alike would take notice so this rescue mission of hers just got a hell of a lot harder.

"Shit."

It also looked bleak for her following the road as there was a large chunk of it missing and an overturned truck blocking the way. She could _probably_ climb over it, but she wouldn't be doing her diligence if she didn't at least look at what was around her. Most of what she saw was unsalvageable or the doors and windows were sealed shut, but there was one store that appeared to be in solid enough shape for her to enter, a clothing store no less.

_Wonder if they have anything for me or Dina?_

Surely there would be no harm in glancing around while she checked the place out for supplies. The mannequins were creepy as hell, but the clothes they adorned were in surprisingly good shape. They were dusty, but they didn't have holes. She would have to make a mental note to stop back here when she had Tommy and take a better look. For now, she leaves the undiscovered treasures behind and climbs up the back of the truck to get a vantage point view.

A benefit of the added height was that she was able to spot a town up in the distance.

_Guess that's why it's called Hillside._

"How do I get up there?"

The sound of squealing tires hits her hard, sending her into a reactionary crouch to make herself less obvious. On her right, a truck skids into view for only a few seconds before it guns it for the road that leads up to the distant town.

"Shit!"

_That was too fucking close._

"There's too many of these assholes."

That had to be people from the WLF which meant Tommy had to be within reach. She just had to be faster than their reinforcements.

"Hold on, Tommy."

It was support he could not hear, but she felt better having said it. It was a spoken promise to him and she was never one to recant on her promises. She _would_ find him. End of story.

Her journey took her through broken walls, back alleys, and even a rooftop before she made any significant progress. It had been pretty routine thus far and she had been lucky enough to not cross the path of any infected (or WLF for that matter) and it was looking like she had one more block before the road. Slowly but surely she was making ground and she figured she had another twenty minutes if she hurried before she got there. It was ambitious, but she could do anything when her mind was set. All that was left was how to get down from the rooftop she was on, but an opening in the ceiling behind some metal beams in front of her gave her the answer.

_Please don't drop into something awful._

Even with her initial hesitancy, she vaults the beam and descends ungracefully into some sort of large store, but she doesn't look around more than an initial glance because a voice makes itself known on the other side of the wall.

"This is dumb. We should be pushing in." A man complains, letting Ellie know that there were more people somewhere.

"We hold the perimeter until we hear otherwise. Keep an eye out in case he comes this way." A woman responds in an unamused manner.

_WLF._

She had inadvertently dropped herself right into their patrol route, the exact _opposite_ of where she wanted to be. To make matters worse, she takes a glimpse through the gaps in what remains of the wooden wall and stares down their difference maker.

_Fuck! They've got a fucking dog._

The dog (with its superior hearing) senses her before she has time to back away and growls in her direction, alerting its handlers.

"I got something." The WLF man alerts his partner, leaving Ellie to scramble.

"Shit." 

_Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck._

Ellie whips around backwards to find a place to hide and spots a closed door not that far away. It was the only good cover so she had to try for it.

_Please be unlocked._

Ellie rushes towards the door, grateful that this seemed to be the one door she's crossed that was _actually_ unlocked. She closes it quickly enough to not give herself away, but slow enough that it won't slam and out her. She hunches below the glass and relies on her other senses to aide her.

"Infected?" The woman asks as they open the main door, its hinges squeaking enough to let her know they were at the doorway.

"Let's get in there." The man responds, his footsteps heavy with little care.

They force the door open and she can hear the hinges being destroyed by their force. She needed to get eyes on them to assess the situation, but she couldn't do it from here. The dog would be able to track her so she needed to take it out with the rest. As much as she doesn't enjoy killing animals, it was needed and now _definitely_ fit into that criteria. Now the only question was to how she was going to make it so.

Running through a mental list of every weapon she carried, she began to formulate a plan. She had a molotov cocktail primed and ready to go for an emergency, but that was a last resort. She had about five bullets in her pistol she could use, but she had not found any ammunition since she left Jackson so what she had was all there was. There was still a lot more ground to cover and an unknown amount of resistance so wasting bullets wouldn't be ideal.

_Need to lure them all to one spot._

"You think this guy's connected to the girl from the school?" The man comments to his partner.

"It'd be a hell of a coincidence if they weren't." The woman responds, her eyes scanning the room for any abnormalities.

"I hate these small groups." The man complains. "Big groups, it's a straight fight. These loners, they could be hiding anywhere."

_If he only knew._

Ellie still hadn't decided what she wanted to do just yet, but she did know she had to move to a side. Hugging the wall to her right, she sticks close to the filing cabinets until she settles on the corner of a jutted out desk. It gave her a more spacious view of the room and she was able to see the two WLF members walking dead center towards the door, the dog presumably leading the way. This gave her about fifteen seconds to make a decision before one would be made for her, but a glance to the top of the desk she was pressed up against helped her decide.

A bottle laid on its side just beside her fingertips, offering itself as the perfect distraction to get them grouped up together. She quietly lifts it and shifts to the balls of her feet, spreading herself low but not compromising any stability. She waits for the woman to reach the door before she leans around and tosses the empty bottle.

The noise catches the attention of both the WLF patrol and the dog so Ellie sets her bag down to produce her fiery surprise. She watches as they open the door, with guns blazing no less, but they find nothing on the other side (at least not yet). The moment her eyes lock on the dog's, she lights the fuse and throws it as hard as she can.

The bottle smashes to the ground at the woman's feet, filling the terse atmosphere with the melody of anguished screams and pained whimpers. Its pitch carried a tune of a painful death, but it was a song Ellie knew how to play masterfully. Death was not a stranger to her and inflicting its will had become who she was. 

It was all she knew.

One does not live long being kind. It was a lesson she had been so kindly reminded of with Joel and it wasn't something she'd soon forget again. It was kill or be killed and Ellie had no intention on dying today or any other. The world was black and white, those choosing to linger in the gray were doomed one way or another. She had accepted this and, once she did, it freed her heart and mind. She hadn't always been this bloodthirsty, but she always knew it was there. The _potential_ always was within her and she only needed a single reason to unleash it. Fortunately for her, she always found one.

Her safety, Dina's safety, Joel's safety, it didn't matter. She would find a reason to eliminate the threat and she would protect those she loved. The world she lived in was not the place for regret and the sooner she accepted that _this_ was her reality, the easier it got to handle. The screams didn't send chills up her spine like they used to and the desecrated bodies that resulted didn't cause her stomach to lurch. The smell, the _essence_ of death and decay, didn't haunt her every waking thoughts like they used to. They were reserved for her nightmares, not for demons in the daylight. Still, she knew what losing all her humanity would do and that _also_ wasn't something she was willing to accept.

Her path had grown exponentially darker in the recent month, but she still had a lone ray of light in the shroud of darkness that encompassed her. It was the only thing she had to hold onto anymore and it was what kept her going when her demons came to collect their price.

_Dina._

Dina had shown her a compassion she'd never had before and she showed her that there was something to live for. No longer was she just waking to go through the motions, but she was waking for a purpose, a goal. Even before they evolved their relationship, Dina had _always_ known how to talk her down or distract her. She tried to hide it, when it got too bad, but Dina never let her stray too far. She owed so much to Dina and she never would be able to repay her for it. No matter what happened between the two of them moving forward, Ellie would _still_ know she was her guiding light.

Dina was why she held onto the ever shrinking part of her humanity, but even that seemed to be rather shaky. Even though she knows that no good can come from where she's going, she still can't find it within herself to stop. She owed it to Joel to see this through, to avenge his death and set everything as right as it could be. There would always be a risk of retaliation, for Abby's people, but if she worried too much about what may happen, nothing ever would even get started. Abby would remain free and Ellie would be trapped in her own personal hell, an outcome she didn't much care for. She still had a small window of time to decide, but she knew each step towards Tommy drained the sand from the hourglass.

The screams around her had subsided, a cue for her to move before reinforcements showed. She keeps low, backtracking to the charred remains for a glimpse to see if anything was salvageable... It wasn't.

"Shit."

Anything they may have had was well beyond destroyed by this point, all of it useless and unusable. She would've looked around a bit more to see if there was any supplies, but she could hear yelling in the distance. Her time here was up and she needed to try to sneak her way out of this or she'd be in a world of trouble.

Ellie had managed to find a hole in the wall before the reinforcements came and (after some skillful maneuvers) she watched from a safe distance as they scowered for the perpetrator. It had lured enough of them away for her to look for an out, finding it in the form of two large red doors next to a sign with a Pegasus. The door was just _slightly_ ajar, but it was enough that she was able to push it just a bit further to slide through. One lock and reset of the barricade later, she pressed on.

As the time ultimately passed, Ellie became acutely aware of how wrong her initial guess was. She hadn't properly factored in just how many of these fuckers there actually was and she _definitely_ hadn't expected the shamblers in the building she dropped into. Adding the encounters together and she probably lost at least an hours worth of time (if not more) and she still hadn't seen any more signs from Tommy. It was getting frustrating at just how many obstacles stood between the two of them. That said, she was stubborn as hell and wouldn't let these detours stop her.

Before she knew it, she had arrived in the cluster of houses she saw from the back of that truck (and with a new bow too). Her venturing had landed her a brand new bow, perfect for a stealthy approach and, as an added benefit, reusable ammo. The arrows she found in the targets of that backyard had been very helpful thus far and, best of all, not a single one of them had broke.

The area she found herself in screamed of a suburbia Joel had described to her once before, "affluential yuppies" she thinks he called it. They used to belong to people who made decent money, but weren't rich enough for mansions. Ellie had never seen a mansion before, but she couldn't imagine someone needing that kind of space. Her knowledge of the "social classes" he had told her about were all but lost, but one look around told her that these were the types of people to not mess around. What that meant now though had yet to be discovered as it provided good shelter and good cover, the perfect spot for a large group to settle.

Ellie opted to stay out of the road and, instead, shifted to the right to go through the houses for either supplies or surprises. She had gone in with low expectations, but it actually turned out better than she anticipated. There were some canned goods hidden under a bed along with a new comic she hadn't read before, but she _really_ lucked out looking in one of the closets. She had accidentally unhinged part of a shelf and, to her surprise, a "gift" landed square on her head in the form of a fully stocked med kit.

Maybe, just maybe, Dina's bracelet was _kinda_ bringing her luck after all. That, or the fact that she was so clumsy the universe felt sorry for her. It could honestly go either way at this point.

She wasn't alone, not even a little, but she had the patience and it didn't take her long to know their routes. She knew what they patrolled and for how long, allowing her the ability to time her moves in sync with theirs. She didn't have the energy nor the urge to fight this many people so the stealthier she could take it, the better she'd be.

There were a bunch of barricades blocking key parts of the road, a clear sign that she was in the right place, but with that said, she had to find alternate routes to find Tommy. She was making her rounds to as many houses as possible to search for him, but this neighborhood size was nothing to scoff at. There was a lot of ground to cover and it was becoming harder to avoid them with how destroyed some of these places were. It had to be on purpose for the sake of a tactical advantage and a clear line of sight, a very smart decision by whoever made the call.

People have had to adapt to their surroundings and, if you're not smart, you're dead. Eventually, people caught on to what worked and what didn't, making them even deadlier as, well... the dead. If she was being truthful, people frightened her more than any infected ever would. With the infected, you knew what they wanted, but with people... it could be anything. Survival, boredom, didn't matter. If they wanted what you had, they would stop at nothing to get it. Only with people, they were smart. Diversions, tactics, flanking, etc, all far more efficient than just walking into a fence over and over. People could climb, hide, and prepare whereas infected followed a one track hive mindset.

_Enough of that talk, it isn't productive and a freak out was not on the agenda._

She had seen and pilfered what she could, but she still hadn't found Tommy yet. What she did find was just waves of WLF goons around every corner and an unfortunate end to her silent streak. It hadn't been intentional, but she found herself face to face with yet another dog as she was crawling her way through the grass. It didn't take much imagination to where it went to next, but shots were fired and they weren't from her (at least not yet). She couldn't use fire to get herself out of this one so with her trusty few bullets at the ready, she shot to kill.

The chaos felt like it dragged for so long, but it couldn't have been more than ten minutes before she was the sole survivor of the battle. It wasn't pretty, but it never was. All that fresh blood covered the walls like a fresh coat of paint, the moans of final breaths being the only sound...

_Keep going. Don't think about it._

She had to keep pressing on, Tommy needed her. She couldn't slow down more than she already had, but she could really use help in knowing where to go. These houses all looked the same as she found herself back at the backyard with the grill. 

_Son of a bitch._

She had gotten so caught up in evading her pursuers that she lost track of where she actually came from. She _would_ have followed the body trail, but they were just everywhere. It didn't help that they all looked alike too with their stupid uniforms and she had already looted every body of anything valuable. 

_Take a moment and look, what haven't you seen?_

Ellie stops to look around, her eyes scanning from right to left, until something clicks.

_That gazebo..._

She hadn't recalled being around it before so it was worth a shot. She crossed through the house, gun to the ready, and looked out around it. The majority of it was fenced in, but there looked to be a garage or something like it just beyond it with a closed door. Each room she had gone into, she'd purposely left the door open to know she'd been there, so this had to be new. 

Carefully opening the door, she finds nothing of interest until she spots a mud slide leading to a lower level of the area.

_Might as well._

Doing her best slide, Ellie glides down the muddy trail and as soon as her feet hit the grass, the sound of a car slamming on its brakes hits her.

"Let's check around here." A soldiers voice carries, letting Ellie know just how close they really were. She ducks behind the large boat to get a better look and watches the soldiers advancing her direction. "Why are so many squads getting pulled in for one trespasser?" 

"Because of the fucking school and the TV station."

"I thought that was Scars."

"I think these trespassers might be working with them. Don't drop your guard."

_The fuck is Scars?_

That's now the third or fourth time Ellie had heard that term, but she had no idea what it meant. Were they a resistance group perhaps? There had to be others who opposed what the WLF was doing so it was possible that she wasn't the only one gunning for them. Enemies were not something to have in their world as it followed in your mind _everywhere_. A continual state of dread would loom over you like a dark cloud, just waiting for the right time to rain.

Ellie stayed pressed to the boat as the two women began to separate (a big mistake). She kept quiet as a mouse and easily took down the two soldiers before she turned her attention to the area nearby filled with several WLF soldiers. They kept in a group of four or five, with yet _another_ dog leading their way, blocking any direct route.

_Fuck off with this already._

It meant she was back to navigating what was left of these houses, all while trying to avoid any further conflict. To her knowledge, she hadn't left anyone alive behind her so they only knew she was around, not necessarily where she was. If she could just keep a low profile, she may find something useful because the deeper she got in this suburb, the more congested it got. It meant she was heading the right way and that the end was in sight. 

Just a bit further into her house traversing, she ends up next to a large picture frame window (sans the glass) and finds herself in a precarious position. She can hear the group advancing on her position and it is far too open for her to make a run for a better spot. The cover was abysmal and the dog would _surely_ rat her out if she didn't leave immediately so there really was only one option.

And that was down.

As soon as she begins the vault, she can hear soldiers ahead of her shouting to one another.

"I saw him! He went down that street!" A female voice yells.

"Hey! He's not getting past us! Find him!" A male's voice chimes in right behind hers.

_He's so close. Just hang on, Tommy._

Ellie rolls to disperse the impact of her landing and heads towards the only opening... only to be jumped by yet _another_ dog. Thankfully, it was trapped behind a barbed wire fence and unable to reach her. Still scared the shit out of her though and almost sent her toppling backwards as she recoiled. 

"Over here!" A man next to the dog calls out and Ellie's fight or flight kicks in _real_ hard.

"No! Fuck!" 

"By the fence." He shouts as he tries to find a way out of the fenced in area.

She doesn't even look down before she hurdles herself down the opening in front of her, landing hard once more.

"She dropped in there!" The man from the fence shouts to his fellow soldiers.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Gone was any hope of her getting through this quietly now and she had to prepare herself for whatever onslaught was coming. This was their territory and they had all the advantages here. Her only hope of staying alive would be to be deadly ruthless and use everything at her disposal. She had found some ammunition from her pilfering of the homes earlier so she wasn't without, but her accuracy is what would come into play. She was a decent shot, but she could be better, not the best in this kind of situation. She had wanted to practice more, but they couldn't ever spare the bullets (not that she blamed them) and not a single person had a bow.

"Smoke her out!"

The order came from the floor above her, but the smoke grenade that landed near her came from her level. 

"Go! Go! Go!" A call to rally was issued by one of the soldiers, meaning she had to get ready.

She didn't have much time to react, but she covered her face in her shirt as it exploded, a ringing finding its way into her eardrums. 

"Fuck!"

It was disorienting and the shirt did little to protect herself from the fumes, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. Pulling the shirt aside now that the worst had passed, Ellie coughs (a side effect from the polluted air) and squints her eyes to look through the haze to see a man running full speed at her.

Ellie _narrowly_ misses a hatchet to the skull, ducking only at the last possible second before she aims the gun high and fires a round up through his chin for an instant kill. There was no chance for her to recover before another man in a gas mask was up in her space, hitting her in the shoulder with a baseball bat. It knocks her into the wall, but she is able to shoot the man in the leg somewhere to prevent a second swing. Her right arm is throbbing in pain, but the adrenaline that's coursing through her keeps her mind focused and she takes another shot and hits the man square in the chest. It wasn't as lethal as she would've liked, but he would die from it in time.

The sound of a cocking gun comes from her left and Ellie dives behind a nearby wall, the bullet hitting just near her foot.

_Holy shit that was close._

Whoever was behind the trigger was playing it smart and not rushing in like their (now) dead friends. Ellie sneaks a look around the corner and all she can make out is a large square object in the middle of the room. She couldn't get a good look, but she would bet that that's where the shooter was hiding. She could try to wait it out, but that would mean more people would come and she wouldn't have the cover of the smoke to work with. Her only real tell would be the spark from the gun so she needed to get this person to shoot again to find where they were.

Ellie looks at the body beside her and rips off his mask, holding it tightly in her left hand. She throws it away from herself as bait and, when the shooter opened fire, she struck. The light the shot emitted was enough information and she knew about where the torso would be so she squeezed the trigger. The anguished cry told her she'd hit her mark so she rushed up to the sound, knife in hand, to finish the job.

Ellie uses that momentum to sprint up the stairs, almost barreling into a soldier rounding the corner.

"Trespasser in-" was all the soldier was able to say before Ellie's knife plunged into her throat, effectively ceasing any further relay.

She couldn't turn around and there was only one way forward so Ellie jumps through the window frame and lands onto a more secluded patch of grass. She had cover, but it was easy to tell by the sound that the road was so close. Multiple tires squealed ahead of her, shouts carrying from their vehicles to her.

"Go! Go! Don't let him escape!"

"We've got them surrounded! Close in!"

She was so close that she could taste it. Tommy had to be _right_ there and it sounded like he was giving them hell, but there was still one hurdle to go before she was ground level.

The road was just ahead, she could see it, and it was her best chance at finding Tommy. Jumping down the final window frame, Ellie lands hard into the grass, an audible "oof" escaping from her at the impact. Before she has a chance to orient herself, an arm snakes its way around her waist while another covers her mouth, tugging her back forcefully. 

She struggles to break free, but the unknown assailant doesn't try to hurt her and, instead, tries to calm her.

"Shh, shh!"

Her eyes widen as his voice registers.

_No fucking way._

She _knew_ that voice, but she has no idea why in the fuck he is out here. 

Sensing she had calmed, he released his hold on her waist and mouth, allowing Ellie to turn around to confirm who he is.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Think I'd let you do this on your own?"

_Jesse._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this story isn't close to done by any means, but the next update may not be right away because AC Valhalla is about to be in my hands and I cannot WAIT to tear into it. I try to balance writing with video games, but games always tend to win out lol.


	3. Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> What better time than right before the holidays to give the next update in our girls' journey! I've got Dina's POV on tap for you today and I'm excited to show you another side to her. Canon only gave some Dina snippets in relation to her life, mannerisms, and behaviors so this is really where we're going to develop the Dina I envision her to be. Sometimes what you see isn't always what you get and I think that's true for her. There is always more than meets the eye so I hope you all are ready for where this will go.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Oh no._

_No, no..._

_This can't be happening._

How could everything have gone so wrong?

Ellie keeps moving her forward, but she just _can't_. Her mind and her body had gone and there was not anything she could do. She _knows_ she needs to help Ellie by walking, but her legs don't even feel like they're her own anymore so each step is harder and harder to make. She tries to focus on Ellie and what she's saying, but there's almost a ringing noise in ears that won't let up. But she can see the panic and fear on Ellie's eyes and that means she has to try, even if it won't matter in the end.

Ellie breathed in _spores_.

Not just a little, but a _lot_ , far more than anyone can take without succumbing to what comes next. 

Ellie was going to die.

She had faced loss before, but it doesn't get easier and not when it is _Ellie_. 

Her Ellie...

"Almost there." Ellie attempts to reassure her as they cross out into the street, towards a large building.

All this fresh air was a stark contrast to the musty aroma of death and decay that filled the subway, enough to make her cough at the purity of it all.

Her body was _weak_ , burdened with an untold secret that she feared to share. Refusing to acknowledge it wouldn't make it go away, even though she wished it did. It was draining the life out of her, but she couldn't tell Ellie, not like this... not now. 

As if on cue, the dizziness takes hold of her and drops her to her knees, almost taking Ellie with her in the process. 

"I got you." Ellie assures her so tenderly as she helps her back to her feet, taking the few steps to the door. "Here." 

Dina takes hold of the handlebar for fear life, pouting any ounce of strength she had left into holding herself upright for just a little bit longer. 

The door shakes as Ellie tosses her body into the door, making a bit of progress with each strike, before the sound of things crashing to the ground tell her that she had succeeded. All she can do is wait while Ellie peers in to give the all clear.

"All right, we're good."

_Thank god._

She couldn't hold this for much longer, she just needed a moment. Well, she needed so much more than that, but it would be a start.

"C'mon." Ellie extends her hand and she accepts it without hesitation as she's lead inside.

A quick glimpse to her right and she spots a couch, one probably covered in dust, but she didn't care. She just needed to sit and get her bearings before she collapsed. Then and only then could she even begin to get a grasp on what just happened in the last five minutes. Her steps were pained and slowed, but she was managing on her own so that counted for something. She worked one arm at a time through the straps of her backpack until it dangled in her hand, a physical reminder about the burden she carried. Unlike her _actual_ problem, this one could be set down beside her as she took a seat.

It didn't take long at all before she could feel Ellie's eyes appraising her. She couldn't look to meet her eyes for fear of what she'd see. Ellie cared for her, but Dina had been lying to her now for a couple weeks now and it was only a matter of time before she caught on. Ellie wasn't always the sharpest with social cues, but even she could tell something was really wrong and Dina just _knew_ the conversation she had been dreading was going to be what Ellie wanted to talk about.

The only thing that remained would be if she could tell her the truth.

It threatened _everything_ they had, but there was nothing Dina could do to change it.

"You wanna tell me what's going on with you?" 

Her tone told Dina this was anything but mere curiosity. Ellie was never one to sugarcoat what she wanted to say so if she wanted something from you, she'd get it one way or another. All she could do was to buy herself some time to figure out how to tell her. There was still the very, _very_ big deal of Ellie inhaling spores to discuss.

"What's going on with me? Ellie... I just saw you breathe spores."

With that, Ellie's demeanor becomes less rigid and her posture relaxes just a bit. 

"I told you. I'm immune."

Immune? Was she joking? That is _impossible_. Seems like she wasn't the only liar here.

"Okay, you're immune? Come on."

To say she didn't believe what Ellie was saying was an understatement. To be immune was virtually impossible and there's no way she'd have not known about it. They told each other everything, well, _almost_ everything (present moment excluded). If Ellie was immune, she would have told her. Dina knows that Ellie was just saying it at the time to keep her safe because, in hindsight, sharing a mask probably wouldn't have worked and it would've killed them both.

"I was bitten a long time ago..."

A story? Ellie was going to tell her a fucking story? Nuh uh. "What the fuck are you talking about?" 

"I was bitten and nothing happened." Ellie speaks more forceful than before, almost like she believed what she was saying.

There was no way...

And that's when it hits her.

"The chemical burn..." 

Ellie had told her this all before it, when they were in Eugene's weed lair, but she just assumed she didn't want to tell her the truth behind it. Ellie was shy in so many ways so she figured there was a story there that she just wasn't ready to tell and she was using it as a deflection tactic. But everything about Ellie now told her that she wasn't lying and that she had been trying to tell her the truth all along.

_What in the fuck._

A prolonged silence hangs around them, uncomfortable but unavoidable. Dina keeps the eye contact with Ellie, but she just can't wrap her mind around literally _everything_ she was hearing right now. 

Fucking _immune_.

Holy fuck.

Ellie begins to fidget nervously under her gaze, but she ends up breaking the deadlock. "Maria and Tommy..." Ellie pauses for just a beat, "and Joel are the only ones who know..." 

Dina looks away, the emotions too much for her right now, but it didn't feel like Ellie was finished yet.

"Knew..." Ellie corrects herself.

As much shit as Dina was working through right now, it didn't compare to what Ellie was going through. They both were suffering in their own way, but Dina's was a private one compared to Ellie's very public vendetta. Not that she could fault her for wanting to do this because if she was in her shoes, she'd do the same thing. It was just one of the many reasons why she wanted to tag along. Ellie lived and breathed with such a conviction, which is what would make this all worse.

"Now you know."

Would she have ever brought this back up had it not been for the broken mask? Ellie had to have known how absurd it sounded. But to hear that it is not only true, but that only three other people knew? This was the secret of all secrets and she wasn't sure she was worthy. 

Ellie was going to hate her.

The guilt was choking every particle of air from her lungs and she was drowning. She was beginning to sweat and she couldn't stop herself from shedding a few tears as her reality sank in. She was beyond relieved that Ellie wasn't going to die on her in a matter of minutes, but now it brought to the forefront of how much trouble she was in.

She was about to ruin her life _and_ Ellie's by proxy.

All she could do was sink her head in her hand.

"I can't..." Ellie hesitates, "get you infected, if that's what you're worried about."

Dina hadn't even considered what it meant for herself in the present moment. She had one worry on her mind, but Ellie's comment did make her pause on it. She was probably in the clear because it wasn't like they hadn't come into contact with one another. Hell, they've fucked a few times now since their first time so if there was anything that could've happened, it would've. 

"I can't make you immune either."

If only it was that. If _only_ this revelation was what this conversation needed to be about. Truth is, she had to come clean with Ellie and there was no way around it. So much was happening all at once, but she couldn't keep on lying to her like this... not when she had done nothing but be honest. Whether she believed her or not, Ellie told her the truth and she just didn't choose to believe her. She hid it for the safety of her life, not because she didn't trust her. Ellie told her after their very first time together and the least Dina could do in return was to grow a spine.

She just wasn't ready to lose her.

Ellie had made it very, _very_ clear to what her priorities were and none of it included being burdened with a pregnant woman. Ellie had a plan and what Dina was about to unload would not fit into it at all. Dina knew she could probably go for a little while longer, but without medical attention, she was putting herself at risk thus, putting Ellie at risk. Ellie's life was not something she could gamble with and she had almost done just that today. Ellie had to pick up her slack and it could've meant life or death. Who's to say she won't drag her down like that again? Whose to say she won't cause Ellie to falter? She already felt guilty about hiding this, but if Ellie got harmed because of it, she'd never be able to live with herself.

Ellie nudging her foot makes her realize how in her head she'd been.

"Can you say something?" 

It was a simple request, but it carried such a weight. A weight Dina would've kept holding alone, for as long as necessary. But she couldn't do that anymore and she couldn't stop the inevitable.

"Ellie..." Sorrow weaved throughout her hitched in her voice, an audible sadness present for Ellie to see. She couldn't turn back now. She had to do this, she had to tell her.

Wiping away a tear, Dina moves her hand from her face to cradling her stomach. Working up the courage, Dina meets Ellie's eyes and opens the floodgates.

"I think I'm pregnant."

"What?" Ellie responds in confusion.

"Don't worry, it's not yours." A self deprecating laugh follows, but nobody is actually laughing here. This couldn't be further from funny, but it was how Dina handled discomfort. She made things into a joke to make them less serious, but it was always like trying to bandage on a severed limb. It only masked the issue, it didn't actually fix anything. The limb still wouldn't work as it should, just like Dona couldn't hide from the consequences. 

All she can do now is watch it all unfold.

She pays vigilant attention to Ellie and she can see her go on a journey. Ellie's eyes grow wider by the second, her movements more jittery than before. It got to the point where Ellie even had to pace and that told Dina how serious this was. She only did this when she was _really_ deep in her head so this couldn't be good.

"What are we su--" Ellie cuts off abruptly, hesitating just a bit. "What are we supposed to do now?"

Ellie sounded so lost.

Dina had no answers that would help her out, no answer that would make any of this better. She was pregnant and that didn't look to be changing. For now though, nothing had to change because she was confident that this weakness would pass with some proper rest. Then they could continue on like this didn't happen and she would just have to hold out until they found Abby and put a bullet between her eyes. After Abby's death, they both could return to Jackson and take it from there.

"Nothing. I just need to rest for a second."

"Are you fucking kidding me..." Ellie mutters under her breath, but not low enough for her not to hear. "How long have you known?"

_Oh shit._

She had to make a split second decision to come clean or to lie and lessen the blow.

"I was late a few weeks ago..."

"A few weeks?!" Ellie snaps back quickly. "We could've... we could've still turned back."

A few weeks ago she wasn't sure about this and it was _certainly_ not something she was going to speak out into the universe. It wasn't like she hadn't been off before so there was no guarantee that being pregnant was the reason. There is lots of things can that alter that and she wasn't about to jump to conclusions.

"I didn't know..." She defends herself. "I wasn't sure, okay? I didn't wanna be a burden--"

"Well, you're a burden now, aren't you?" 

The venom of Ellie's words pierced through her skin like it was paper, tearing into her on the spot. She had always imagined that it would hurt, but hearing those exact words just demolished her. She _knew_ Ellie wouldn't take it well, but imagining it and living it are two separate beasts. Her heart ached and all she could do was stare in disbelief that _this_ had become her life. She hadn't asked for this, she sure as fuck didn't want this, but it happened anyway. Any plans she had, gone. Her life? Ruined. Ellie? The outlook was grim. 

No matter what was said after this, Dina would always know that right here, right now, Ellie spoke the truth to her yet again. The reaction she's getting is genuine, _pure_ , and this would always stay with her as one of the worst moments of her life. To see such anger directed at her was astounding in the worst ways. Ellie had never spoken to her like this before, not once in all the time they've known each other. Ellie could be deadly serious, but she had never been aggressive towards her. Others weren't so lucky, but Ellie seemed to have a sweet spot just especially for her (and she always took full advantage), but now? She could add her name to the list. 

The room surrounding them was _so_ quiet, but Dina could swear that the world was screaming. So much noise within the silence, saying everything and nothing at the same time. It held within it the fragile nature of their connection and Dina knew it was cracking around them. Each second that forced itself was another breach between them and Dina soon feared that there would be nothing left for them to stand on.

Ellie didn't ask for this. Ellie didn't deserve to have her life brought down too. They were _just_ getting started and already she could see the end of the road. It hadn't been smooth, but it had been worth it, even if it was not meant to last. Asking anything of Ellie would be selfish, she was innocent in this all.

But it hurt.

It hurt so fucking much to see Ellie like this, to see _them_ like this. Ellie couldn't even stand to look at her now, like she had done something so unspeakable, so abhorrent, that she had to physically distance herself. That the mere sight of her repulsed her and propelled her back. 

It was _torture_.

"I'm gonna... make sure this place is secured." Ellie finally says with her eyes still downcast to the floor. "You just rest."

How she silently begged her to stay, to not abandon her like everyone else she's ever known... but it was asking too much. She could feel Ellie withdrawing from her and she _ached_. Her mind, her body, her soul, all utterly destroyed and she had no power to stop it. She could chase Ellie, but what good would that do? What could she possibly say to make her stay?

The cold truth was that _nothing_ would make Ellie stay.

Not even Joel could reign her in so how in the hell was she supposed to? If Ellie wanted to leave, nothing in the world would stop her. It was something she deeply admired about her, but now she's finding out just what that could mean on the other end. 

This all just happened so fast...

Her stomach (picking the most opportune time as usual) lurches and she can feel herself getting sick again. 

_I need to lay down._

She _really_ did not want to throw up on the floor so she needed to adjust herself before it got to that, taking it nice and slow. She had been right about the dust so a quick swipe of her hand sent the particles floating around her. She _usually_ put more care into what she was sleeping on, but any fuck she had was already cashed in so she couldn't be bothered. It would take far more energy and work to make this ideal and that's not something she could manage in her present state. At this point, she'd be surprised if she didn't just disintegrate into a heap on the floor.

The texture of the couch was unpleasant, but it was softer than the ground. She didn't regret coming with Ellie, but what she wouldn't give to be in her own bed right now. Cuddled up beneath the covers, warm and snug... with Ellie.

She couldn't stop her mind from going there, even though her heart pleaded for it end. Denial was one hell of a drug so perhaps it was time to lose herself. She could pretend that none of this had happened and that they were safe and sound back home in Jackson, none of this ever happening. She could rest knowing that Ellie was right behind her, her strong arms the only presence around her stomach. No baby, no sickness, just Ellie.

They had spent several nights together since they got together, each better than the last. Ellie had become hardened by Joel's death, but, in a way, she also became more vulnerable. Ellie was about as soft as sandpaper, but after everything with Joel, something changed. It wasn't easy to see, but Dina had wanted to know every inch of Ellie and that meant the bad with good. As her walls grew thicker, so did the cracks in the foundation and it offered Dina a glimpse at who Ellie truly was. 

Ellie was the embodiment of awkwardness, but she did it in such a dorky way that you couldn't help but gravitate towards her. She was standoffish, but so acutely aware of everything that was said and by who. She was a wallflower by nature, but somehow her presence was always known, at least by her. Ellie was just made up of walking contradictions, but they all made so much sense with her. It is one of the many things that drew her in and, not even now, does she regret any of it. Because in spite of this moment, Ellie had shown her what it was like to be adored, to be valued. When they were together, nothing seemed to stray Ellie's attention away when they were together and that's not something she was used to. The only person she ever seemed to want to impress was Ellie because of how Ellie made her feel, it was like nothing else. Nobody else could hold a candle to her, even if they combined their efforts. They just weren't in sync like she was with Ellie and that made all the difference. 

Jesse was pretty good for the most part, but they were never going to be anything. He was safe and predictable, nothing ever was exciting or fresh. They had a spark at first, but it didn't last long before she felt as if she was going through the motions. They got to the point where they'd argue more than they spoke and it became a chore to spend time with one another. He was a good guy, but he always played it safe and she needed something more. He was too worried about impressing Tommy (and Joel before his passing), showing that he could be the next leader of Jackson. Dina would have never stood in his way for that so it just came to the point where she needed to accept that they'd run their course and stepped aside. Only now that course has changed and forced their paths back together, this time for good. 

Oh god, what would this even mean?

Not only was there Ellie to think of, but there would be Jesse too. What would he have to say about all of this? Does she even want to tell him? No. Definitely not. At least not yet, not until she had too. Was she jumping the gun on all this? Yes, yes she was, but she had lost all control. She was exhausted, but couldn't relax enough to subdue the restlessness so nothing was off limits. Her mind going a mile a minute, jumping to every conclusion and worst case scenario. 

She just wanted it to stop.

She lays curled up in a ball, riding through the waves of nausea as they crash against her until her prayers got answered in the form of sleep. It didn't take her gently and it made her wait, but she still embraced it when it took hold. It was broken, it was pained, but it allowed a momentary escape from reality. 

It was, unfortunately, too good to be true because she wakes a few hours later in a fevered sweat, her breathing hard and labored. It seemed like sleep only delayed the inevitable and she came to the realization that couldn't force the sickness down any longer. She needed a bucket or something because this was only going to end one way and it was going to happen now.

Dina sits up fast and immediately regrets it, her stomach lurching and her head pounding in unison by the sudden jolt. She couldn't wait though or it would all end up on or beside her and that was not a smell she could live with. She was nasty enough without the help, so anywhere would do so long as it wasn't next to her. Clicking on the flashlight on her jacket, she bolts for the first opening she sees and, as luck would have it, it was a restroom.

_Oh thank god._

She immediately went for the trash can in the corner at the end of the room, completely uncaring if it was used or not. Throwing a trash can outside would be far easier than trying to clean a toilet or sink. She only has enough time to cradle it to her chest before she unloaded into the bin. It was more dry heaving than anything, but it still hurt like a bitch. It continued for a few minutes before the sensation ended, allowing her to sit on the cold and dirty floor, settling the back of her head beneath the hand dryer. The cool contrast of the tile against her overheated body was nice, vaguely soothing too.

If this was what pregnancy felt like all the time, she wanted to return it. Well, she wanted to return it anyway, but this "bonus" of being sick all the time was just a cruel cosmic joke. It was bad enough that she would push a baby out in nine months, why did she have to get sick too? She wasn't even sure she wanted to be a mother, yet alone when she was so young. She had so much youth ahead of her and it was gone, wasted on a stupid night that hadn't meant anything.

Not that there was much of a social life in Jackson, but she had always made the best of it. There wasn't a single week where she wasn't sneaking away to go party and drink. She lived for being social, but she couldn't anymore, not in good conscious anyway. Anything that made her fun was off the table and that terrified her. What if her friends didn't like her anymore? She was the "fun" one, always getting into things she shouldn't be and now the most fun she'd get to have would be a full nights sleep. How could anyone want to be around someone who'd become so dull?

The confidence she radiated wasn't always real and she craved validation more than she ever would care to admit. She wasn't even really sure who she was the majority of the time because it was easier to be what everyone else wanted. They wanted fun and carefree so that's who she'd be. Her snark worked as a shield and sword, protecting her from hurt or dealing damage as she saw fit. Everything she did was carefully planned and, for someone so carefree, she did an awful lot of planning. 

From the moment she found Jackson, all she wanted to do was to be accepted. Any reservations she had needed to be shoved down because this place was going to be her home, her life. She _had_ to be liked and she was willing to go to extremes to get it. It got easier and easier to believe her own lies and, after a while, it was second nature. But through it all, she always worried what would happen when they found out the truth, that she wasn't the girl they all thought she was. Guess she was going to find that out too now.

Her self loathing and wallowing had been an ocean of sadness, but the more she ran over the hurdles she would have to face, the angrier she became. The shift wasn't subtle, it changed as quickly as it took to turn on a light switch. A rage filled her like never before and this irrational anger took hold over every fiber of her body. Reaching forward to grab the trash can to her right, she flings it a hard left into the mirror above the sink, shattering the glass on impact.

"Fuck!" Dina shouts in anguish, tears streaming down her face. "Fuck this and fuck you! Fuck everything!"

She throws her body back hard enough that her head bounces off the wall, adding to her headache from hell. The red hot tears that continued down her cheeks began to make her eyes burn, but she refused to make them stop. She didn't care how loud she had bee and she didn't care if Ellie heard. 

She didn't give a fuck about anything.

It had been bottling inside her and she _needed_ to let it out before it consumed her whole. Her emotions were all over the place and it was hard to keep up or even keep track of just what she was feeling. It was a whiplash like she'd never encountered before and it felt like she was going crazy. Her body craved destruction, but it was too weak to do much about it. She was feeling too much and not enough, sending her system on overload with all the conflicting signals.

"Just make it stop." Dina pleaded to anything that may be listening as her anger subsides into physical exhaustion. "Please, please, _please_ make this thing go away."

She knew it was no use, but maybe if there was a god, they'd feel pity on her. She was Jewish, but her own personal relationship with the faith had all but disappeared when she lost Talia. She had tried to keep it going in her sister's memory, but she found herself being reminded of her death at almost every occasion. She made the occasional prayer when things got rough, but the more time that passed, the more doubts she had. No true god could just sit back and watch while the world burned. 

The injustices of life thriving in death's realm.

Talia would've known what to do here, she always had the answers to everything. She was so smart and wonderful, the best person Dina had ever known. She was kind and generous, it was hard to not be enchanted by her mere presence. She had always looked up to her, she still does in a way. Dina will never be even half the woman she was, but she always knew that didn't matter. Talia had always loved her for who she was and she always found a comfort in knowing that someone could love her, imperfections and all. She was never alone with Talia and how she longed to have her beside her once more. 

"Way to go idiot, you've made yourself fucking sad again." Dina chastises herself for the slip up of dredging up old memories. "You really are a hot fucking mess right now, aren't you?"

The question was _obviously_ rhetorical considering she was talking to herself like a crazy person, but it made her feel a little less alone to speak out loud than to keep it to herself. She slides out her legs and only then does she remember the mess she made. Her heels pushing the shards as she stretched out from her cramped position.

"Shame I can't afford a maid to clean this." Dina halfheartedly jokes as she picks up a larger shard in her hand, analyzing its edges and reflection.

It was beautiful in a way, knowing something so broken could still serve a purpose. It didn't have to be perfect to show you what it had intended all along, it just _was_. No matter how much was taken away, even the smallest sliver could still reflect back what it needed to. She found herself relating to this broken mirror in the most profound of ways and it got her thinking that maybe she too could still find a place in this world. That somewhere her jagged piece could find a home that accepted her for all of her flaws and imperfections. Then again, it was _just_ a mirror and it would be discarded without a second thought had the world been a different place.

The only thing Dina knew for certain was that she _needed_ to get more sleep because having philosophical, imaginary conversations with oneself in a dirty bathroom is just on the cusp of being a poster child of a mental breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This also wasn't proofread as I just wanted to get this for you so any mistakes are my bad.


	4. Half asleep, never wide awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it has been a while, but it is better late than never. We're not going to spend too much longer on the canon scenes, but there is a hurdle or two we need to cross before I feel I can jump them to where I'm going to start fresh. Backstory is important in setting the scene so I hope you all bear with 😊.

Her self indulgence into the realm of pity is over just as quick as begins because, while Dina would love to just complain, it wouldn't change anything. Feeling how she was now was just exhausting and she did not have any spare energy to lose herself like this more than once in a blue moon. Her mind was always sharp and quick, but letting herself go into a tangent like this made everything foggy. She did not live in a world where this was acceptable and it would get her in a lot of unnecessary trouble. 

"Get your shit together, Dina." She tries rather aggressively to motivate herself. "You can't lose it now."

Dina takes a deep breath in and holds it for a few seconds before she slowly exhales. She repeats it a few times and, while it doesn't solve her problems, it helps some. Enough so that she wants off this nasty floor for something a bit less disgusting. In her haste, she overlooked the caked on layers of grime and dust and she could feel its texture on her fingertips as they splayed to get leverage to stand.

It takes a little longer than it probably should, but it had been a long day and she wasn't any better rested than when they first got here. She could feel the lightheadedness take hold, but she was close enough to the wall so she just leaned back against it until the sensation passed.

"This had better not last the nine months." Dina grumbles under her breath as she stands herself up straight.

Her first instinct was to wipe the sweat that's accumulated from her brow, but she stops herself before she makes any skin contact. Holding her hands up towards the beam of the flashlight, she grimaces. 

"Ew." She comments as she tries to brush her hands together to remove the soot, but it doesn't budge. "This never gets any easier."

She could handle a certain level of grime, it came with the territory, but there always were "surprises" like this that even she wouldn't accept. Still, there wasn't much she could _actually_ do about it besides brush them off on her dirty clothes and just try to keep them from her face as much as possible.

Seems she was bound to suffer one way or another...

Moving slowly and carefully, Dina sets herself back down on the couch and stares up at the ceiling.

_I hope Ellie is fairing better than I am._

Dina hadn't wanted them to be on such shaky terms, but she understood Ellie's desire for solitude. It wasn't something small so it would take time for her to come around (if she ever did). What probably bothered her the most was the additional uncertainty in front of them. She hated not knowing what lays ahead (which wasn't ideal in a world brimming with infected), but she hated it even more when it came to Ellie. Ellie was hard enough to read as it was, and even harder to get to open up, so this... _ordeal_ had set her back in both of those categories. 

She knew the true fallout from this had yet to settle and that it would get worse before it got better. This was something new for the both of them and, as much as it pained her to even think it, perhaps they weren't strong enough to endure it. This was so soon, so sudden, that it gave them almost nothing to stand on. How could she expect Ellie to enter into a threshold of what should have been a blissful, playful partnership when there's nothing joyous on the other end? Dina knew she wouldn't give up on Ellie, not after what they'd been through, but would it even be fair to expect the same loyalty in return? Could it even _be_ loyalty when this feels like she's betrayed Ellie in the most personal way possible?

Her soul was conflicted, but in such chaos, a clearing was present for one definitive thing. She couldn't lose her, she just couldn't. She would do whatever needed to be done to remain necessary in Ellie's life and she would have to hope that was enough. There was little else she could rightfully do, but she'd find some way to show Ellie that she could still pull her own weight. There had to be _something_ she could do here to help.

As her focus drifted every which way, she knew that she'd not be going back to sleep anytime soon. She was just before the cusp of exhaustion, but not close enough to lose herself to sleep. Her thoughts wouldn't be silenced and she had nothing to distract her from the far corners of ridiculous and irrational that they reached. If she was going to get any semblance of peace, she needed to find a way to occupy herself.

She knew this place had to be big from the sheer size of it, but she'd never actually been in a theater before now. She'd heard stories from Maria before, but hearing something and seeing something were completely separate things. Most of this place was probably blocked off for one reason or another, but there had to be more than what met the eye from this lobby. Perhaps now was as good a time as any to do a little exploring of her own. She'd not go far as she didn't want to find any unexpected surprises, but she _did_ want to find where Ellie went.

She hasn't heard a sound other than the creaking of the old building since she awoke and, while it didn't mean anything bad had happened, she couldn't help but worry about Ellie. Dina knew she was capable of taking care of herself, but she knew she'd also feel better if she was able to see her for herself. She had to be somewhere in this place because she'd have woken her up to tell her otherwise. Ellie was many things, reliable being one of her defining traits so there would be no way that she left unannounced. She would never abandon her like that so Dina wouldn't even entertain the thought any longer. 

"No time like the present."

Dina takes care to sit up gently as a small pang hits her in the stomach. At this point, she didn't know if she was hungry, sick, or a combination of the two. She didn't want to waste any of their supplies if she couldn't keep it down so she'd power through it for now. If it didn't get better she'd scrounge something up to eat, but, in the mean time, she would just try to distract herself from the pain. 

"Where would you have gone?" 

There only seemed to be three options as there was a hallway to her left, a large set of doors to the front, and an opening to her right. One of them was the correct choice and it made the most sense to start from the bottom up so she'd try the left hallway before turning to the doors.

The left turned into a dead end almost immediately and all the doors she tried were locked. She had wondered if maybe Ellie has just found an open room and locked it out of privacy, but she dispelled that idea as soon as it came because there is no way she'd have left her to sleep on a couch near the only entrance they knew of alone. Next was (what had to be) the auditorium and, with a nice firm push of one of the doors, she confirms her hunch.

Dina takes a moment to gaze around the room, taking in its sheer size and space, imagining of what it must've looked like all those years ago. It becomes easy for her to get lost in the past and imagine what it must have been like before all of this. The ambience, the music, the sheer excitement of getting to witness a live performance in motion... What a spectacle it must have been. To have no worries larger than forgetting your lines, no care for how loud the show would become, no concern of being swarmed the moment your voice broke over the cusp of a whisper...

It almost seems unreal.

Dina returns from her roaming thoughts to face the dreary reality she lives in. The reality of paint chipping off the walls, the shine of the stage being buried under layers of forgotten dust. It was a far cry of what it used to be, but it still served a purpose and, for that, she was grateful. Her eyes scan the truth from her distorted imagination and, nestled on a chair in the front row, she spots a familiar face. Well, not a face per say, but she'd know Ellie's brunette bob anywhere. Hell, she'd be able to spot any part of Ellie if she was being truthful from almost any distance. Her hands, calloused yet tender. Her arms, firm yet comforting. Her face, hardened but kind. Every contradiction imaginable was what made up this woman before her, but all were uniquely Ellie nonetheless. 

Ellie doesn't seem to notice her presence yet, a good indicator that she's in a rare deep sleep. That woman could hear someone _breathing_ from a mile away most of the time so to not have her stir meant she was beyond exhausted. Even after a long days work, she'd still be on edge and the only time she rested with any depth was when she had an emotional day. Ellie had conditioned herself to spring at even the _slightest_ hint of a disturbance. She was always ready for something to go wrong. It reminds Dina of several instances of Ellie's hairpin reactions over their ever changing relationship.

They hadn't done anything beyond platonic touches back then (Ellie was a gentlewoman after all), but Dina would treat herself to impromptu sleepovers regularly at Ellie's place. It happened more when she and Jesse were "on a break" (as that happened a lot), but sometimes she stayed over just because she wanted Ellie's company specifically. Dina had no problem making herself at home in Ellie's bed and Ellie was never one to decline her for anything. She would put up the occasional resistance, but Dina knew she'd get her way and it was just Ellie trying to save face. They'd start on separate sides, but they'd end up cuddled together before the night was over.

Dina had almost gotten hurt on _several_ occasions because of Ellie's "reactions." They'd happen as she'd try to sneak back into bed after using the bathroom or getting a drink and it was always random. Some nights they were fine, but other nights... _bad_ nights, Ellie would be overly responsive. She would end up flipping on top of her, pinning her to the bed, all while lost in the fog of sleep. It wouldn't last long before Ellie's mind processed that it was a false alarm and her hold on Dina would release, followed swiftly by string of apologies, but it didn't deter from the fact that it happened. 

The first few times it scared her shitless, but she came to almost expect it after a point and it didn't bother her much after that. Ellie, of course, was always mortified and remorseful and Dina always accepted her apology and assured her she was fine. A couple times Ellie actually grabbed her throat on accident, leaving faint markings of her fingers around her neck, a reminder of just what Ellie was capable of. When that happened, Ellie would refuse to share the same space as her and would flee under the guise of "protection." She always would just try to get her back to bed, but Ellie would always refuse and they'd end up not speaking for days. 

Ellie would go out of her way to avoid her and she wouldn't even make eye contact, ashamed for what she did. Dina knew it was out of her control, but Ellie never saw it that way. She'd eventually corner Ellie and force her to talk, setting them back on track until it happened again. Dina knew their cycles like clockwork and it became almost predictable with how Ellie would react. She was notoriously difficult to read, but after a few of the same missteps and arguments, Dina knew what to expect. However, ever since Joel died, nothing was so routine.

Dina saw something break within Ellie when they buried him and she's watched this darkness begin to spread. She hardly blames her for feeling so lost, but she'd be lying if this new unhinged streak didn't worry her. Ellie was a passionate woman beneath the surface and Joel meant the world to her... it makes sense that her world spiral, but just how far was yet to be seen. It made her heart ache to see such self destruction and, maybe it was stupid to think like this, but she just wanted to hold Ellie tight until her demons disappeared. Ellie was strong and could handle herself, but that didn't mean Dina didn't want to keep her safe from the world and shelter her from any pain.

Without even realizing it, Dina found her hand moving out to touch the woman she adored more than anything. She was intrinsically pulled to just get the _feel_ of Ellie beneath her fingertips, but she stops herself short. It wasn't the right time and she'd cause more problems than not if she woke her. As much as she wanted to just selfishly curl in Ellie's embrace, she knew better. It wasn't the time nor was it the place. She would just have to deal by herself until Ellie was ready to talk about this.

_"At least you know she's fine."_

Well, "fine" in relative terms anyway, but it helped put her at ease to know where Ellie was if she needed her. 

_Time to look around somewhere else, somewhere that I won't disturb her._ There was still one more area she hadn't looked and it seemed like the next best step considering she'd surely wake Ellie if she tried to go up on the stage and look behind the curtain. Backing up slowly, Dina retraces her steps back out the door, closing it gently behind her. 

She makes her way upstairs and spots the tent right away.

"This would be more comfortable than the couch." She comments offhandedly as she pokes around. Seems to be void of anything useful and only trash and sodas were left. The balcony in which it rested was a nice view of the lobby if she wanted a bit more space. 

She doesn't stay there for long and, in her perusing of the upstairs, she spots a long yellow cord leading into a room.

_Wonder what's in there..._

Dina turns the knob to the closed door and takes a look at this (clearly) repurposed room. "Hmm." Dina hums as she takes in the sight of the radio on the table. "I bet you'd help me solve some of our problems."

She knew there had to be power because, one, the lights were on and, two, she could hear the hum of the generator in the distance. Whether this was Ellie's doing or not was unclear, but what she _did_ know was that this baby had some juice flowing to it and that it could quite possibly help them change the tides.

The WLF would need to communicate somehow and this radio would be perfect to try to intercept just what they were up to. An organization worthy of commanding checkpoints had to have a hefty body count which mean they all had to communicate somehow. Radios were the only answer and that meant she could find their channel and do a little eavesdropping. Nothing was sacred or private anymore and she _especially_ didn't give a shit about decency when they almost killed her and Ellie back at the school. Whatever happened to them, they deserved a little payback and, most importantly, some much needed information on where the hell they were going. They had been grasping at nothing but straws since they started and this finally, _finally_ could put them on the map. 

It would be a nice change of pace to be ahead for once. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.

Upon switching on the radio and making some dial adjustments, it becomes increasingly clear that something isn't working as it should be.

"Broken." Dina sighs disheartened as she continues to turn the dials to nothing but static. "Of fucking course it doesn't work... That'd be just too easy."

It became frustrating to always have hurdles blocking her path, it was a novelty that wore off real fast. She always did like a challenge, but there came a difference between an occasional challenge and consistent roadblocks. Life continually wouldn't let her catch a break so why should this be any different?

The urge to just throw the damn radio against the wall, smashing it to bits was prevalent, but she knew better than to let emotions rule her (again). She had already allowed for that earlier when she first revealed her pregnancy and she couldn't afford to do it a second time. It only ever made it worse and she needed to show Ellie she could still help her. She couldn't be the burden Ellie had spoken of, she _had_ to find them the answers. Ellie needed her more than ever and she wouldn't fail her.

_Think. What do you know and what can you do? Take it in steps._

The first step would be to assess for damage and that meant she'd need to take this thing apart. There was no way to do it with her bare hands and her small pocket knife wasn't long enough to reach the screws. Didn't help that it was on snugly too so she'd have to hope that she'd stumble upon a screwdriver somewhere here because any other attempted entries would break more than what she knew how to fix. Surely it made sense there would be a screwdriver _somewhere_ in the vicinity, but there still would be the matter of finding it. 

The initial room proved fruitless, but a look in the only unopened locker just outside got her what she needed. It was in a small toolbox that had other goodies within it that could help her with this repair job. Eugene had taught her some of the ins and outs of electrical works and (while she was no expert), she was no novice either. She and Eugene used to kill time by tinkering with little gadgets he found on his excursions and he took her under his wing to show just how some of these trinkets worked. From watches to a VCR player, she got exposure in a way she never had before.

While she didn't originally understand the importance of knowledge pertaining to such small things, she's grateful now for that education. It gave her a fighting chance to level the playing field and it could just make the difference between life and death. There was always more on the line than she ever imagined so if her getting this to work kept everyone alive, surely she had to try whatever she could. 

A few screws later and Dina found herself staring into the innermost workings of one of man's most valuable inventions.

_Next step, deduction._

With the radio open, she looked around at all the small components for something to stand out. It didn't take long for her to see a piece of metal dislodged and floating free within the encasing.

"The antenna."

Sometimes the most obvious reason for the problem is, actually, the problem. Without this antenna, the radio would cease to have the range needed to cast and receive frequencies, thusly stopping them from finding out what the WLF was up to. The piece of metal had been dislodged (probably from the rust it had accumulated), but it didn't look broken. She could (and did) affix it back into its proper placement and, with the help from some tape she'd also found in that toolbox earlier, she had to hope it was enough to keep it propped up.

A flick of the power switch would be the true test to see if what she did worked or if it was an electrical issue. Dina was a competent woman, but that _wasn't_ something she knew how to replace or create. Hopefully, luck would be on her side this time.

Dina takes hold of the tuning knob, the moment of truth only a few seconds away. "Here goes nothing."

Each click onto the next frequency was slow to give her ample time to spot anything different from the noise, but it wasn't looking good. The crackling of a failed repair was all that came through and as much as she wanted to give up, she had to check every channel. So onward the dial turned and just before the final channels, something amazing happened.

_Echo... status... inform..._

Her breath hitched at the unexpected distorted voice comes to life and, just like that, her dull optimism soars sky high. 

"Holy shit." Dina ushers out in a controlled excitement. "Holy shit, holy shit."

Scrambling to find something more clear, Dina picks up the pace to try to find a better frequency. There was _something_ happening here and she'd be damned if she lost it now.

"C'mon, c'mon..." Dina mutters as she continues to adjust the dial until the voice from before comes through, only twenty times more clear.

_...mass casualties at site 6. No survivors to report at this time. What is the status of backup?_

_Unit Echo. Negative on backup. Recover what you can and report. Repeat. Recover and report. Confirm._

_Unit Echo confirmed._

"What do we have here? Code names?" This felt heavily militarized, something a militia would likely use to pass information. It kept it vague and, unless you paid special attention, it kept it secret. Sadly for them, Dina had nothing but time on her hands and she was determined to crack it.

"I need to write this down." Dina says to the empty room as she looks around for something to write with and to write on. If there was a radio, maybe there was a map somewhere nearby.

She wastes no time in rifling through all the papers in the vicinity until she finds what she wants.

"Fuck yes! That's what I'm talking about." Now they were in business here. Not only did she find a package of sharpies, but she found a map detailing Seattle far better than the one Ellie had. The only problem was that she wasn't sure exactly _where_ they were on this map.

"Think, Dina, think."

Could she remember any streets they passed? This new map didn't seem to have anything she could reference for a focal point (landmarks, etc), it only had street names and city areas. She hadn't been paying enough attention as Ellie was holding the map to navigate so she had her focus on their surroundings for enemies. She had no way of knowing where they'd been... but Ellie did. Her map had both landmarks _and_ street names so, if she could find out where the tv station was, she could grid out from there. 

She needed to get Ellie's map.

Using all the stealth tricks known to man, Dina managed to get the map in Ellie's backpack unnoticed and she returned to the radio room to hunker down.

Hours passed by in a flurry, but she was too focused to take a break. She had found just what they needed and she was slowly, yet surely, piecing the puzzle together. Not only did she have a solid idea of where several zones were, but she _also_ learned they had boat units, eleven of them to be precise. She also learned about a man going AWOL, someone named Owen, and he just so happened to be on one of the pictures. It seemed the WLF was far larger than they had ever anticipated, but she knew that Ellie wouldn't care if it was one man or a thousand. She was going to walk into the flames regardless so the best thing Dina could do for her was give her all the information she'd need.

This was the best Dina had felt since they started this hunt. It _finally_ gave them an idea of what and _who_ they were up against. Finding Tommy would be hard, but knowing the layout like she did, if they found him, she'd be able to point them in a general direction. 

Ellie joined her a little while later and Dina filled her in on some of what she knew. The radio transmission about someone fitting Tommy kept her from going too detailed, but she gave Ellie enough to go off of. Dina had also intended on going with her, but her sickness put that to a grinding halt. She hated the thought of Ellie going alone, but she'd hate keeping her back even more. Ellie would be distracted if she forced herself along and that could mean a deadly mistake so she didn't put up a fight when Ellie suggested she kept tracking. Dina knew that she was dead weight physically at the moment so it made sense for her to do something less labor intensive. This was Ellie's way of keeping her safe and she would respect that.

With a kiss, a bracelet, and a sea of unspoken words between them, Dina watches Ellie depart into the unknown trenches beyond the comfort of this theater.

Even knowing how capable Ellie was, she couldn't help but worry for her. Dina _knew_ it was an uphill battle, one that they (in all likelihood) wouldn't walk away from. Finding Tommy was a needle in a haystack. A very, very dangerous haystack.

She did her best to keep focused, but as the chatter became more sparse, she found herself beginning to doze off. She had hardly had any sleep and the adrenaline from fixing the radio was beginning to wear off. She had made a couple of marking mistakes, but she had made a couple important finds. Zone 2 was a medical facility (probably a hospital) and a woman named Nora was in charge of a supply run. She was yet _another_ match to someone in their photos meaning that this Abby had friends in higher places. It was more than she could've hoped for considering how coded they tried to be, but all it took was a name to tell her she was still on the right trail.

After much deliberation on this gem of a finding, she decided it would be better if she got some sleep than to continue. She had been tempted to stay in the radio room, but she knew the door was barricaded and she wanted to be near it for when Ellie got back. She moves the map and the supplies from the floor to a table. She takes a few pins from the corkboard and pushes them into the corners of the map, leaving it fully open and on full display. Only once she was satisfied that everything was in a safe and secure area did she head downstairs.

She must have fallen asleep the moment she laid down because, next she knew, there was a pound on the door followed by her name.

_Ellie._

She scrambled to get up, the nausea ignored as she lifted the metal chair to reveal a sight for sore eyes. "Hey."

She doesn't waste any time in pulling Ellie in for a hug, savoring the embrace with a relieved smile on her face. Ellie had returned to her, alive, and there wasn't any more she could ask for.

It wasn't until Ellie steps to the side does she realize that Ellie didn't come back alone.

"Oh my god. Jesse."

Even if they were no longer together, he was still someone she cared deeply for and who was a friend.

"Hey, Dina. Oh!" Jesse winces out in a pained tone.

Dina notices immediately and pulls back from the hug, giving him a one over. "Hey. You okay?"

"Nothin' a little sleep won't take care of."

She knew it was a lie, but she couldn't help but smile at his optimism.

"We should get inside." Ellie announces and Dina knew that was the right call. Who knew who could be lurking behind them? She didn't want to find out.

"Yeah, okay, come on." She guides Jesse with a hand on his back for support. "Easy."

He was limping heavily so she knew to take him towards the couch to rest.

"How'd you get past Maria?" She asks him, curious as to how he got from under her iron fist. Maria was a strong willed woman and she did what she had to for the community. She wouldn't have made it easy for him to escape.

"I had to sneak out. My friend's problems are my problems." He answers nonchalantly before he turns to her, his voice filled with concern. "I heard you're sick?"

"Oh, it's..." Dina glances to Ellie, wondering if she told Jesse what the _actual_ problem was. It was a split second decision, but she had to trust Ellie would've kept quiet."...It's just a stomach thing. C'mon. Let's sit you down, huh."

She didn't want to talk about it so the more she downplayed this, the better. She needed to change the topic so she bends down to help Jesse get more comfortable.

"No, no, no. You don't need to do that." Jesse lightly protests, but Dina wasn't having any of that.

"Oh, shut up." She playfully scolds as she works to remove his boots. "So when'd you leave Jackson?"

"Day after you, but there was a bad snow when I crossed into Oregon. I've been doing eighteen hour stretches for the past two weeks trying to catch up."

"Yeah? Now you're just bragging."

"I did what I had to. I know you and Ellie would've done the same for me."

A pang of guilt hits her because, as much as she cares for Jesse, she couldn't see herself doing this in return. She wouldn't ever say as much, but she'd always know that they were never equals. She'd do a lot for Jesse, but she would do even more for Ellie.

"Yeah, course." Dina lies as she removes his other boot. "You must be exhausted from all that. Why don't you lie down and get some rest?"

"You sure you're okay?" Jesse asks once more, a final chance for her to come clean.

"Positive." She lies again. "Now just get some sleep and we'll talk more when you're rested. Tommy is still out there, but it will be dark soon so there's not much we can do now."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Jesse comments as he lays down on the couch. "Thanks, Dina, for the help I mean."

"Think nothing of it." She smiles as she uses the couch to stand up. "We'll be around if you need anything."

His eyes fall shut shortly after and she can tell within a minute that he's out cold. Poor guy must be drained to do as much as he did in the time he did it. Walking was great and all, but that much would take the steam out of even the strongest willed person.

What she wanted now though was to find Ellie and find out what happened. She knew right where to go to find her so Dina heads upstairs to the radio room to seek her out.

She expects to see Ellie (which she does), but she doesn't expect to see her with a needle in hand, stitching up an open wound.

"Jesse's passed out." She announces as she enters the room. Ellie doesn't bother to look up so she moves a bit closer. "Hey... let me do that."

Ellie doesn't do more than give her a passing glance before her gaze drops away, but she hands over the needle without a protest.

Dina works in an awkward silence, but she tries to not focus too much on it. Something was clearly bothering Ellie, but she didn't look like she was in the mood to share.

"He's a good guy." Ellie says as she finally speaks up.

"Mm-hmm." Dina hums in agreement, not sure where she's going with it.

"Why didn't you tell him?"

Ah. The pregnancy thing.

"Wasn't the right time." It maybe never would be the right time, but certainly not now. There was so much going on that she didn't need a second person mad at her for something she couldn't control. She didn't want to argue about it now and she hoped Ellie would just let it go too.

Leaning forward to bite off the excess thread, Dina finishes tending to Ellie's cut. "There you go."

Ellie doesn't stay seated after that, opting to move towards where the photos of the WLF members are. "What about this? Anything worthwhile?"

"Uh... Actually, yeah." 

"Abby?"

"Uh, no." Dina moves to join her, looking for the name she heard earlier on the picture. "This girl, Nora." Dina points at the woman in one of the photos. "Her unit was assigned to this hospital. They were collecting supplies or something."

"This hospital?" Ellie points to zone 2.

"Yeah." 

Ellie promptly turns and heads for her bag, throwing up red flags for Dina to see.

"Wait, you're going to go now?" Was she out of her mind? It was going to be dark soon and she wanted to go all the way down there?

"Yeah, we have a lead."

"Like, at least wait for Jesse to rest up--."

"She could be gone by then." Ellie interrupts, clearly determined that she was leaving now.

"Ellie." Dina sighs out her name in frustration.

"We know her location. Maybe Tommy does too." 

Dina couldn't put into words what she was feeling, but she knew that she didn't like it. Ellie could be a lot of wonderful things, but she also could be a pain in the ass and so fucking stubborn. Ellie's mind was already made up and no protest from her would change it. Ellie had a one track mind and it was clear that she was doing this no matter what.

"What?" Ellie halfheartedly asks, at least knowing that what she was doing didn't please her.

There was so much Dina wanted to say, but, ultimately, she kept them to herself. It was a "pick your battles" kind of moment and she wasn't willing to let this spin into an argument.

"Nothing."

They both knew it wasn't "nothing," but it was the answer Ellie wanted so she didn't bother to call her on it.

"Good." Ellie answers her, turning to walk away. "Can you come help me with the door please?"

"Yep."

Dina had only just gotten her back and now she was sending her away again, alone, to face threats of the unknown. She didn't like it, she didn't like it one bit.


End file.
